Every week we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Crock Pot Mongolian Beef. Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of this post. The original recipe can be found over at Very Culinary.
This week’s recipe was my choice. And by “my choice” what I mean is that I sent Fred a bunch of links that I’d bookmarked and told him to choose one. This is the one he chose, so if it turns out Nance’s family didn’t like it, it’s all Fred’s fault. (If it turns out they did, I get all the credit, of course.)
It was while I was assembling the ingredients for this picture that I began swearing. I am TELLING you – am I EVER going to learn to read through the ingredients before I decide on a recipe? Would that be too much to ask? Because apparently it WOULD. Ingredients I didn’t have on hand and had to find substitutes for: white wine (I used chicken broth), white wine vinegar (I used red wine vinegar), and molasses (I used honey.)
What I’m saying is that I’m apparently one of those assholes who reviews a recipe by saying “I didn’t remotely make this recipe the way I was supposed to, and it didn’t come out the way it was supposed to, and IT IS ALL THE RECIPE’S FAULT.”
So your ingredients, basically: meat, cornstarch, soy sauce, and a bunch of other shit I’m not going to list here, because that’s what the recipe is for, and I’m too lazy to type it all out.
Toss your meat with the cornstarch. I started out with my meat in a smaller container, but it didn’t allow for much meat movement, so I switched to a larger container, put the lid on it, and shook it all about. Thus dirtying two containers instead of one, is what I’m saying. Because I can’t get enough of DOING THE GODDAMNED DISHES. I live for it!
Combine all the other non-meat, non-cornstarch ingredients in the crock pot and whisk them together.
Put your meat in the crock pot, and stir it all together. Turn that shit on low and ignore it for 4 hours.
While you’re waiting, you could probably do all the goddamned dishes.
“Don’t go down there. She’s doing dishes again.”
“AGAIN? How many dishes does she USE in a day?”
“She says it’s our fault. I didn’t tell her we’d eat off the floor if she’d let us and then she wouldn’t have to wash dishes. She didn’t seem like she’d be receptive to hearing that just now.”
“Humans are dumbasses.”
When it’s done, serve it over white rice (though I suspect brown rice would be good, too. If you’re into that sort of thing.)
The verdict? You know, it was really pretty good – not GREAT, but certainly GOOD – the night I made it. The leftovers, however, weren’t so good. I don’t know. It was good but not so good that I’m inclined to make it again. How’s that for noncommittal and useless? I wasn’t a big fan, but YOU might be!
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I pretty much never object to Robyn’s choices for DCEP recipes because the object of this site (besides cursing) was to force us to try new things. But I was ready to kill her when I printed out this recipe and actually read the ingredient list.
Note: This motherfucking recipe rode in my purse for way too long.
A visual of the things needed for this recipe that I did not have in my house. To say I was annoyed is an understatement.
We’re teetotalers around here so I knew when I went to the liquor store* that I wanted to buy the cheapest white wine they had. Does Mad-Dog 20/20 come in a white? Of course we were jumped by a saleswoman from hell and I was ready to throttle Robyn when this dumb bitch decided to school me on cooking with wine. Really? Like I no idea that people actually cook with wine! Rick could do nothing but half-grin, half-grimace at me while I half-rolled my eyes and pointed to the cheapest thing on the shelf. Hence our four-pack of tiny pinot grigio bottles!
The package said Top Round London Broil. I have no idea if $3.99/lb is a good price or not.
This is everything you need to make this recipe. I sincerely think the original recipe was the result of someone just dumping everything they found in their cupboards into the pot and hoping for a miracle.
Some people can take a picture of themselves and look normal. And some people look like squinty, mouth-breathing simpletons. Guess which category I’m in. Ack! I was trying to show how big this knife is that Rick bought at a yard sale many years ago. It’s huge and fabulous. You should also be jealous of my bedazzled shirt.
Cuts right through it like butter. Here’s where I confess that I was going to use an electric knife because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when it comes to cutting meat. This is the very first time I have ever used this big knife and we have had it for years. I should be ashamed about this fact, but see above bedazzled shirt. I have no pride.
This picture is kinda gross if you think about it too much.
I put Shirley (aka:mom) to work getting the meat coated with corn starch. And I took this picture to prove that I don’t lie when I say Shirley likes to wear her tube-tops with sweatpants. I drew the red-line to show where the tube-top ends and the sweatpants begin. I can’t figure out how she got the colors to match up like that. It’s amazing and horrifying all at the same time.
I started measuring and dumping everything into the crockpot. If you don’t mind measuring and dumping a LOT of things, you’ll find this recipe pretty easy. If you do mind, you’re shit out of luck because there are a lot of things to get out, measure, and return to their proper place. I’m really just saying that this could be considered a work-out depending on the size of your kitchen and how much you swing your arms.
I’m getting ready to whisk all that crap together.
This is the only action shot I took.
This is the point where I started to think about the pizza we were going to have to order for dinner. I really didn’t have much hope for this mess. At all.
It was delicious! Great flavor, tender meat and just enough heat to make it interesting. Every single person in the house (including the teenager) loved it so I know we’ll be having it again.
Robyn picked a winner!
*Pennsylvania is really behind the times when it comes to selling wine in grocery stores.
- 1½ pound flank steak or ball tip steak (if you can't find either of those, I'd give London Broil a try)
- ¼ c cornstarch
- ½ c soy sauce (low sodium or gluten-free)
- ¼ c white wine (you can substitute chicken broth)
- ¼ c cooking sherry
- ½ T white wine vinegar (or red wine vinegar if you don't have white wine vinegar on hand)
- 1 tsp sesame oil
- 1 tsp molasses (or honey!)
- 1 tsp dried ginger
- 1 tsp dried onion
- ¼ tsp black pepper
- ½ tsp red chili flakes
- 3 T brown sugar
- ½ T peanut butter
- 3 cloves minced garlic
- 4 scallions, sliced thin
- Slice the meat thinly and coat with cornstarch - discard any excess cornstarch.
- Put all the liquids, spices, peanut butter, garlic and scallions into the crock pot and whisk together. Add meat and stir to coat.
- Cover and cook on low for 4 hours. Serve over white or brown rice.
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