Every week we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Cinnamon Roll Pull-Apart Loaf, found over at TheKneadForSpeed.com. Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of this post.

Robyn’s Take:

This week’s recipe was Nance’s choice. I was all “Ooh, cinnamon rolls! I love cinnamon rolls!” and then I looked closer at the recipe and was like “Daaaaamn youuuuu Naaaaance! ::fist shake::” because I’m a slacker and making my own dough is the sort of thing that makes me slump over like a spoiled rotten teenager and whine about how my life is sooooooo harrrrrrrrrd.

But then I remembered that I’m not a princess (YET), so I sucked it up and got it done.

Ingredients:

I’m aware that that’s an awful picture. Ugh. Anyway, the ingredients are flour, sugar, salt, cinnamon, egg, butter, brown sugar, and milk. Oh, and instant yeast. I bought that instant yeast at the dollar store and was sure it wouldn’t work worth a shit, but it worked just fine. Dollar store for the win!

Stir together your flour, salt, sugar, and yeast. Set aside.

Then stir together your brown sugar and cinnamon, and set THAT aside.

AND NOW WE HAVE TO SCALD OUR MILK. I have never scalded milk before, and I was all slump-shouldered and pouty like a bratty princess while I was Googling “Seriously, do I have to SCALD my milk? For REAL?”, and Google’s consensus was that I might not need to, but I should SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS and do it just in case. So put your milk in a small saucepan, and put it over low-medium heat.

What you’re doing is bringing your milk juuuuuust to the point of boiling without letting it actually boil. It’s helpful to have a kitchen thermometer to put into the milk, because you want to heat it to 180ºF. If you don’t have a thermometer, no big deal – just let it sit on the heat, stir it occasionally (you don’t want the milk to scorch), and when it gets bubbly around the edge, take it off the heat.

This will take approximately 748 years.

Remove it from the heat, and stir in 3 T butter, which may or may not be softened; it doesn’t matter. It’s going to melt anyway.

Stir ’til it melts. Add in your 1/2 c. water, and let the liquid cool ’til it’s lukewarm (110ºish, if you’re using a thermometer). Someone in this house might have accidentally added cold water to the butter/milk, and then had to put it back on the warm burner until it warmed up since.

“Was it me? I think it was me. Sorry!”

The instructions on the original recipe directs you to use an electric mixer with a dough hook to add flour to the milk mixture. I found that using my paddle beater worked better for me until the mixture got dough-y, whereupon I switched over to the dough hook.

So using your mixture, slowly beat your flour mixture into your milk mixture, add the lightly beaten egg, and if the dough is too wet (“too wet” = it’s really sticky when you touch it) add a bit more flour until it’s only lightly sticky when you touch it.

Turn your dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead it until it’s smooth and elastic. I would describe exactly what “smooth and elastic” means, but I don’t know how to describe it. Pretty much, it’s smooth. Also, elastic.  You’ll know it when you see it, AIN’T THAT HELPFUL?

I am horrifying when it comes to rolling out dough, so I begged Fred to do it since he’s 3,000 times better at it than I am.

Roll the dough out into a roughly 20″x12″ rectangle. I called this good enough.

Spread the dough with your softened butter. I used the back of a spoon to do the spreading, because that’s what works best for me.

Cut your dough into 5 strips. Clearly I have not the ability to make even strips, but it didn’t matter THAT much. God, look at that strip that’s six times the width of all the other ones. I shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen.

Sprinkle the first strip with the brown sugar and cinnamon mixture you mixed together way back at the beginning.

I didn’t get a picture of this next step because I suck, but basically you take an un-sugared strip, lay it on top of the sugared strip, and sugar it. At the end, you have a stack of sugared dough strips.

I had an issue with the way the instructions were written in the next part, so I had to ask Fred to interpret them. Apparently what you do next is cut the stack of strips into six equal(ish) squares. Fred did that for me, too.

Then you lay your loaf pan on its end, and stack the dough into the pan. “Cut side up”, say the original instructions, which I failed to realize at the time, so I just stacked them in there willy-nilly. Then set the pan right-side up and kind of shift the dough pieces around until they fill the pan and are straightish.

At this point, you’re meant to loosely cover the pan and let the dough rise for an hour in a warm place. But since I wanted to have the loaf ready for breakfast the next morning, what I did was cover the loaf pan and stick it in the fridge overnight.

When Fred got up the next morning, he put the pan in the microwave (which is the warmest place in the kitchen. NO, he didn’t turn the microwave ON, very funny) and let it sit for a couple of hours. Then he baked it. He didn’t take pictures because, well, I forgot to ask him to do so, so you’ll have to use your imagination.

This is what it looked like when I came downstairs the next morning, after it had been baked.

Then I made icing to put over the top, because all cinnamon roll type foods need icing.

Pardon the professional-looking picture. I was in a hurry. I dumped about a cup of confectioner’s sugar in that measuring cup, added a dash of vanilla extract, and then drizzled milk in, and stirred, added a little more milk in, and stirred, and so on until I had icing that could be drizzled over the top of the cinnamon loaf.

The verdict? Meh. Maybe it was because I let it sit in the fridge overnight, but I think it actually could have used more cinnamon sugar, and possibly even more butter. It was too bready for my taste (yeah, I know, shut up), and Fred felt the same (though he liked the way the cinnamon, sugar, and butter combined at the bottom of the pan to make a tasty caramel.)

We each tried some of it, but the chickens got the majority of it (and loved it.) I hope Nance’s turned out better than mine!

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Nance’s Take:

I picked the recipe this week because it sounded damn good.  Cinnamon, butter, dough and brown sugar. A total win for this fat-fatty.

This is scalded milk (with butter). Sounds horrible, doesn’t it? I once knew an older lady that got scalded as a child when she fell back into a pot of  boiling water.   They had to use maggots to eat away at the dead flesh in order for it to heal.  Awful, right?  I will remember this story forever because I was so horrified when I heard it.   And now I’ve shared it with you so you can remember it, too. You’re welcome!

I admit to being confused regarding how to deal with the the dough so I ended up at Pioneer Woman’s site so I could see what was going on. Sometimes pictures are helpful. Go figure.  And yes, I was making cinnamon pull apart bread after 5 in the evening.   What?

I should not be allowed near anything that involves flour.  And stupid me decided to double the recipe because apparently I enjoy making twice the mess!  Please ignore the gold nail polish as I have been going through a white trash phase.

Had to break out my mom’s old candy making board. I love this board because it’s retro for days.   Yes, I know that it’s really just a piece of countertop that someone cut out for her, but it’s fixin’ to be a family heirloom now.  If it doesn’t get destroyed when our house goes over the hill like Shirley’s been predicting for the last 15 years.   I’m not sure if that’s before or after our furnace blows up because it could, ya know.  I know you’re jealous that she’s my mom.  Please try and manage your envy.

Women who can roll things out in the shape and size that they want impress the hell out of me and I SALUTE YOU.  Please note my white-knuckle attempt at making a proper rectangle.  No, I did not measure it.  GIVE ME A BREAK.

I had a helluva time figuring out the cuts, etc. I suppose a ruler would have came in handy, but that’s too much like math for me. Better to struggle and suffer for my art.

OMG, I absolutely had to take a picture of this! You know how normal people just use a paper towel and wipe it into their hand to throw away? My mother thinks this stupid vacuum is THE BOMB.  It’s so ridiculous.  She’s there for 15 goddamn minutes doing that when I could have been done.  Heh.

This is what they looked like when I pulled them out of the oven (40 minutes) and started to frost them without taking a picture first. That’s cream cheese frosting because I thought it would be like a cinnamon bun from the mall type of experience.

This is Rick being rude and taking a picture of a huge mess and I’m trying to block it with another plate.

Truth game. This was a huge fail. They were not cooked in the middle and gross. I used a cream cheese frosting and put it on hoping that it would melt down into it like a drizzled icing. Um, no. It just melted a little bit and sat there looking like it was something that curdled. The good news is that I had about three spoonfuls of the frosting while I was making it.  Yay for me!

I didn’t allow the animals to try this sugary mess so in lieu of silly cat/dog pictures I’m going to leave you with a tale.  A tale of how a po’ married couple marched their asses into a Snobby Williams Sonoma store located in a horrifyingly wealthy suburb of Pittsburgh.

They purchased only two items (that were on clearance for $1.99 each).  There weren’t many to choose from, but they managed to get two that they thought represented them the best.  They stood at the counter with serious faces watching Miss Hoity-Toity Saleslady wrap them in tissue paper and gently place them in a sturdy bag.  And when they arrived home they carefully unwrapped them, gave them a quick washing, and made sure they lived happily ever after in their new home.

Please allow me to introduce the latest members of our family…

Ha!