Whenever we get around to it, we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Slow Cooker Cheesy Bacon Ranch Potatoes, a recipe that Nance spotted somewhere and that we both thought sounded tasty; it was originally published on Damn Delicious.

Robyn’s Take:

First things first: someone mentioned in the comments to the previous post – and they are right – that we aren’t correctly informing y’all that when we link to things on Amazon, they are affiliate links. This means that whenever you click on that link and then buy something from Amazon, we get a tiny percentage of your purchase. I need to put something in the sidebar and will be posting at the top or bottom of each post, so everyone knows that we’re pulling in the big bucks.

We’re saving up for a beach house – so far, we’ve saved nearly enough for a pack of gum!

Now, the recipe. Nance sent me the link at some point and said “Doesn’t this look good?”, and so when it was time to choose our recipe for this month, I suggested we just go ahead and make the potatoes. I mean: potatoes, cheese, bacon. What’s not to like, am I right?

Your ingredients:

Bacon, red potatoes, cheddar, ranch dressing mix, chives. First up, make your bacon. The recipe says to preheat your oven and bake the bacon at 400ºF. Instead, I made the bacon using my very favorite oven-baked bacon recipe – put bacon into a cold oven, set it to 375ºF, and bake for 20 – 30 minutes (depending on how thick it is and how well-cooked you prefer your bacon). You don’t have to do it like I do, you could pretty much cook it however the hell you want, even ::shudder:: pan-frying it.

You do you, is what I’m saying. I made mine in the oven.

And while your bacon is makin’, you can get the other shit ready – line your crock pot with foil, chop up your taters.

Before you know it, your bacon is ready!

Doesn’t it look tasty? I was a little grumpy that it hadn’t occurred to me to make extra bacon to shove in my face.

Let your bacon cool, and crumble it up. Or use a knife and chop it up while it’s still hot, if you’re the impatient sort.

Coat your foil with cooking spray, and put a layer of potatoes in the crock pot. Top with cheese, ranch dressing powder, and bacon. Repeat it two more times, setting aside half a cup of cheese.

Fold the foil down over the whole shebang, put the top on the crockpot, and cook on low for 7-8 hours or high for 3-4.

Then go confer with your chef kitten.

That’s Chef Barnaby, who I was babysitting (along with his sisters Bubble and Squeek) for a couple of weeks while their regularly scheduled foster mom was in Uganda. They’ve gone back to her, but they certainly were fun while they were here with us. Chef Barnaby told me that my knife skills were for shit. What does HE know?

When it’s been 3-4 hours (or 7-8 if you’re cooking on low), remove the lid, unfold the foil, and sprinkle the remaining half cup of cheese on top. Put the lid back, and cook until melted, which should only take a couple of minutes.

Then serve that shit!

We had our potatoes on Memorial Day weekend, along with burgers and coleslaw, because it seems a very cookout-friendly side dish.

What was the verdict? Well, before I can tell you that, I have to tell you this: I am a dumbass. I am such a dumbass that I see a recipe, and I think “Oooh, that looks good, and I LOVE everything I’ve ever made from Damn Delicious, so this will be a hit!”

Well.

The problem is that although in THEORY I really like potatoes (and in actuality I DO like bacon and cheese), the reality is that I’m just…not that crazy about potatoes. I’ll eat them if they’re put in front of me, I like a nice scoop of potato salad, I’ll eat one or two of your french fries, every now and then I like a baked potato, and mashed potatoes are okay, but for the most part I have no desire or craving for potato products, and I’m happy to skip them. So these would have had to be laced with the crack cocaine* to get my interest. I ate them, and was pretty much “meh” about it. Fred said they were good, but he also wasn’t super crazy about them, and we gave our leftovers to the chickens.

So we give this recipe a resounding “meh” with the caveat that we are weirdos, and if you’re into potatoes in a big way, your mileage may vary.

*Also not into drugs or drinking. I might be the most boring person you’ve ever met.

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Nance’s Take:

Once again, I saw this recipe on my Facebook wall.  I have no idea who posted it because that would involve me having to pay attention to something for more than 30 seconds.  I saw potatoes and a crockpot and I was ready to roll.  I figured this was going to be an easy winner.

I had to change the recipe right from the beginning because my bacon was frozen (I buy a 3-pack at Sam’s) and I don’t like to bake my bacon in the oven anyway.  Thankfully, Shirley (aka: mom) was around so she fried the bacon for me.  There is nothing worse than a woman with ADD standing around waiting for bacon to fry.

Krissie was on high alert while that bacon was frying!

The recipe seemed easy enough. Throw a bunch of shit in a foil-lined crock-pot and rock ‘n roll.  That is an affiliate link over there.

My potatoes were so old that they were growing eyes. I think they’re called eyes. That’s what we always called them. If I’m wrong (gasp!), feel free to tell me in the comment section. Oh god, I hope they’re called eyes and I haven’t been stupid for 40+ years. Anyway, those sections had to be cut out and then the potatoes had to be chopped.

As usual, this recipe called for fresh chopped chives of which I had none. Who keeps chives in the house on the regular? I sure as hell don’t. Luckily, I had bought chives one day and I have until 2018 to use them up. As it was, the recipe never said when/where to add the chives so I didn’t even use my dried ones. I predict this bottle of chives is going to be thrown out in 2019 when I need them and realize they’re too old to use. Sigh.

My first layer of potatoes turned out perfect! I’m a real food blogger! Look at those potatoes, man. Look at that photography.  I am ALL THAT.

I decided to not mess with that twee one tablespoon of ranch dressing. I just sprinkled it over all of the potatoes and hoped for the best.

All layered up and ready to go. Note the pretty bacon. Did I mention I had high hopes for this recipe?

This is the day that we found out what food Krissie doesn’t like. Raw potatoes are not for her.

All sealed up and ready to go. I pretend that I’m off to work and returning to a fabulous meal when I use my crockpot.  But I’ll be honest…I never leave the house when it’s on. Shirley’s neurosis has wrecked my nerves so now I worry about fires and such. Thanks, mom. Keep spreading The Crazy.

I let it cook for 7-8 hours (leaning more towards 8 hours).

This is what I ended up with. Note: My husband and mother liked it. I thought it was terrible. The potatoes on the top weren’t cooked, the cheese was steamed and rubbery. The bacon was damp from being enclosed in the foil with the potatoes. Damp bacon. Rubbery cheese. Hard potatoes. Yuck, yuck, yuck. When you look at all the work that went into this, making the bacon, cleaning/chopping the potatoes, grating the cheese and layering everything this recipe is a big fuck you to anyone who tries it. On the box of ranch dressing there was a recipe for making potatoes in the oven. You chop them up, coat them with oil, sprinkle the ranch, throw them in the oven and call it a day. That’s my kind of recipe!

The paparazzi almost got a shot of the elusive Felina, but she wasn’t about to cooperate.