Every week we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of this post. The original recipe can be found over at Hershey Sweet Recipes.
This week’s recipe was Nance’s choice, and I flat-out told her that I was looking forward to trying it, but I was 100% sure that when I actually got around to making them, I was going to curse her name. Surprisingly enough (I must be maturing!)(HAHAHA) I did not curse her name even once!
First thing you do, is you make chocolate chip cookie dough. That’s easy, and who hasn’t made chocolate chip cookies before? (If you’ve never made chocolate chip cookies, I do not know what to tell you. I hope the wolves who raised you were kind.)
Flour, baking soda, salt, butter, brown and white sugars, eggs, vanilla extract, and chocolate chips. Since this was a Hershey recipe, they have Hershey’s chocolate chips as an ingredient, but I only had Ghiardelli on hand, because I’m a fancy bitch like that.
Stir your dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, salt) together in a bowl and set it aside. Then beat your butter for 2 – 3 minutes ’til it’s lighter in color. Throw your sugars in there and beat for another couple of minutes ’til it’s light and fluffy. (The original recipe says to add the sugars “slowly”, but please. Just throw that shit in there.)
Add the eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each, toss in your vanilla, and then add the flour mixture on low until just combined, and then stir in chocolate chips.
Yawners. Your basic chocolate chip cookie recipe. (I’m pretty sure any chocolate chip cookie recipe would have worked.)
Scoop your dough onto a cookie sheet (line it with parchment paper to make life easier, trust me. Parchment paper is THE AWESOME.) Since you’re not baking the cookies, you can crowd all your dough onto a couple of cookie sheets and not have to worry about them baking into each other. I hate it when my cookies do that. They need to keep their dough to THEMSELVES.
You’re going to use 2 teaspoons of the dough and roll it into balls. I mean, you can do that if you want to – I prefer to use my fancy-bitch cookie dough scoop (that’s an Amazon affiliate link, FYI).
Stick your cookie sheets in the freezer for 30 minutes or so. Then wander off and mess with the cats, take a nap, or bitch about how bloated you feel because you ate too much raw cookie dough. Whatever floats your boat, go do it.
The next step is to heat oil in a deep-fat fryer to 350ºF. I don’t have a deep-fat fryer. When I was a kid I bought a Fry Daddy for my father for Father’s Day and then used it and promptly melted the lid down into the Fry Daddy. Which, I’m sorry, how stupid is it to have a PLASTIC lid on a deep-fat fryer? SO stupid.
But I don’t have a deep-fat fryer currently, so I got out my small pot, filled it about halfway with vegetable oil, put the candy thermometer in, and heated it to 350ºF over medium-high heat. It took FOREVER.
While that was going on, I made the batter, which is pretty easy.
Flour, sugar, club soda, baking powder, 1 lg egg. Mix it together.
Initially you add 1/2 cup of club soda (or seltzer water), and then once everything’s mixed up, you add more club soda/seltzer to the batter ’til it’s the consistency of heavy cream.
Mine was maybe more the consistency of paint now that I look at it, but whatever. I’d added another 3/4 cup of club soda on top of the initial half cup, and I was done with that shit.
Once your oil is heated to 350, get out your frozen blobs of cookie dough.
Dip the cookie dough into the batter, making sure it’s completely coated.
Hey, you see that triangular scar on my hand, the one north of the old-lady age spot I MEAN FRECKLE? I got that from a litter box. True story – I used to have covered litter boxes, and as I was scooping litter boxes one day, the lid fell down on my hand and gouged me. And I’ve been carrying that war wound ever since. Totally badass, right?
Carefully, CAREFULLY, drop each blob of batter-covered cookie dough into the hot oil.
Hot oil makes me nervous because almost 16 years ago Fred splashed hot oil onto the top of my right foot and it BURNED THE EVERLOVING SHIT out of the top of my foot. TRUE STORY. I had to go to the emergency room (though Fred tried to suggest that I could just smear some hydrocortisone on it and it’d be okay, SO SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU FOR A RIDE TO THE ER AFTER YOU’VE MAIMED ME, MOTHERFUCKER)(and we were at that goddamn emergency room for like 6 hours, so he was probably right) (don’t tell him I said that) and it took a month before I could walk normally, with a regular shoe on that foot.
Oh, the good ol’ days.
(And I have a totally badass scar on my foot as a result, so it was TOTALLY WORTH THE SUFFERING.)
Anyway, I was convinced I was going to deep-fry a fingertip or two along with the cookie dough, but I managed to get away unscathed this time around.
This is what it looked like with two batter-covered cookie dough lumps frying deeply.
First they sink to the bottom, and then they get all floaty and bob around resisting your efforts to turn them over.
I ended up with a lot of crap floating around on top of the oil, and I was all “is that normal?”
When they were golden brownish, I took them out of the hot oil and drained them on a thick layer of paper towels.
And then I took a bite of one, and I was like “Oh hey, I know what was floating around on top of the oil!” Apparently the cookie dough melted out of the batter and floated around in the oil, because there was nothing inside the batter except a slight film of chocolate.
So I had to eat another one, of course.
The verdict? Fred told me, going into this, that he wasn’t going to like them. And he didn’t. Because he’s a motherfucker. I thought they were interesting, and not bad. I can tell you that the one I ate while it was still warm was WAY better than the one I ate later, when it was cold. Will I make them again? Um, no. I didn’t like them enough to go through the effort and the mental anguish of dealing with hot oil. If I see them at the fair (if I ever go to the fair and if they ever have deep-fried cookie dough there), I’ll probably get me some.
Confession: I only deep-fried about 10 of the cookie dough balls. The rest, I tossed into a plastic bag in the freezer. Now I can make chocolate chip cookies whenever the urge arises. I’m no dummy! (Hush, Nance.)
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I decided that if you can get through this entry until the very end, I will show you a picture of Shirley in her tube-top. Yup. 72-year-old Shirley with her double-what-the-fuck-evers in a TUBE-TOP. You may laugh, but remember…some of us are still traumatized.
Yes, I’m the one that picked out this recipe. Rick likes chocolate chip cookies and I like cookie dough. We all like fried foods. I figured this would be a huge hit.
How can you go wrong with something that takes two sticks of butter?
Do you know how hard it is to hold a camera in one hand while holding a running hand mixer with the other? Very hard. I could have had a serious accident, people. Do not try this at home. I’m not even going to tell you about the discussion (and googling) that went on with regard to using pasteurized eggs. Rick pointed out that I have never met a cake batter that didn’t end up in my mouth so I figured I would be okay. You do you and all that, but I went ahead and lived dangerously.
My mother wanted to help so I told her to measure out the flour, etc. Apparently this woman didn’t get the memo about using a separate bowl for the flour, etc. And also, this was not her first rodeo when it comes to making chocolate chip cookies so I don’t know what the fuck was going on with her.
Eventually we got it together and I was getting all excited. But first I need to show you the conditions that we had been working under…
I have a very narrow kitchen. Sadie loves to lay right in the middle of the floor in case we drop something. We usually just step over her as we go back and forth from the refrigerator to the counter. It’s a pain in the ass, but since she’s old and has hip problems we give her a pass on a lot of things. Waldo decided to join her the night we made this recipe. It’s just a matter of time until one of us breaks a hip.
Waldo does this every single day. He rolls back and forth until he falls asleep. On his side. With his paws held up. In the middle of the kitchen floor. He’s such a weirdo that we just consider this part of his charm and move on. But imagine trying to mix up cookie dough and deep frying stuff under these conditions. My life is getting ridiculous.
One has to wonder what was going on here. I hope they’re not talking about how fat my ass looks in my jeans. Nah, they’re probably just talking about how I need to mop my floors.
Grumpy egg does not approve of these shenanigans.
Felina tried out the cookie dough, but her heart wasn’t in it.
It was getting pretty hot in the kitchen and I was glad when I was done with rolling out these balls and able to throw them in the freezer for a while.
Never mind that I was wearing a goddamn sweatshirt and blue jeans in the middle of summer. Heh.
I was starting to wonder if I wasn’t going to end up with a huge clump of noodle-type shit, but it worked out okay.
Here we go! Whee!
I own a deep fryer. I think I used it maybe three times. Complete waste of money unless you deep fry food all the time. And if you’re doing that, you’re crazy and obviously can’t wait for the chance to visit your hospital cardiac unit. We should all be following the “once in a blue moon” rule when it comes to fried foods.
I was kind of excited to try this recipe because I thought it was going to be great – especially when it was throwing words like culinary and country club around.
I lined up three of them, snapped a picture and we each grabbed one.
It was the most disgusting thing any of us had eaten and I actually spit out my first bite because it was just too much. Too gross. Too disgusting. Too oozy. Too…YUCK. Just YUCK.
And then I figured we could “save” them by baking the rest of the dough balls like normal chocolate chip cookies.
NOPE. I like a flat chocolate chip cookie, but this was just off. And I knew for a fact that it didn’t work when I watched Rick toss his in the garbage can.
Buh-bye, shitty recipe. Grumpy egg thinks you suck.
Shirley in her tube-top as promised. Bwahaha. Ain’t no way I was posting anything on here that was going to piss off Shirley. She was a WAC (Army) and I value my life. Nice white paint on there, huh? It’s a multi-purpose outfit. Be jealous.
- 2½ c. all-purpose flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 1 c. (2 sticks) unsalted butter
- 1½ c. brown sugar
- ½ c. sugar
- ½ c. pasteurized eggs (or 2 eggs. I assume they're suggesting you use pasteurized eggs because you're going to cram cookie dough in your face, so do whatever makes you comfortable.)
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 c. (12-ounce package) semi sweet chocolate chips
- 2 c. all-purpose flour
- 2 T sugar
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 lg egg (or ¼ c. pasteurized eggs)
- ½ c. seltzer water or club soda, plus more as needed
- Vegetable oil, for frying
- Put the flour, baking soda, and salt in a bowl and stir to combine. Set aside.
- Using a mixer, beat the butter until it has lightened (2 - 3 minutes). Slowly add in sugars (or add sugar all at once, I won't tell anyone) and beat until it is light and fluffy.
- Add eggs 1 at a time and beat until they are well combined. Stir in the vanilla. Add the flour mixture (using the lowest setting on your mixer), then stir in the chocolate chips.
- Form the cookies using 2 tsp of the dough and roll it into balls (or use a cookie scoop). Put the balls onto a cookie sheet (on parchment paper, if you've got it). Put cookie sheets into the freezer for 30 minutes to firm up dough.
- In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, and baking powder. Add the egg and half the seltzer/ club soda and mix well. Add more seltzer as needed until the batter is thick and the consistency of heavy cream.
- To make the cookies heat the oil in a deep-fat fryer (or a deep pot) to 350ºF. Dip the chilled dough balls in the batter and carefully (watch your fingers!) place them in the hot oil. Fry a few at a time, turning them over from time to time (they won't want to turn over. MAKE THEM.) until they are golden brown, around 3 minutes. Drain on paper towels and serve while still warm.
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