Southern Fried Pies – Nance and Robyn make the same recipe

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Every week we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Southern Fried Pies, found over at Group Recipes. Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of this post.

Robyn’s Take:

This week’s recipe was chosen by Nance. I okayed it because – I think we’ve established this – both Nance and I generally look at the finished product for a recipe and don’t bother to do much more than glance at the ingredients and instructions. So when the time came for me to make these pies, I actually looked at the recipe and I was like “JESUS CHRIST, NANCE. WHAT THE FUCK?!”

One thing you need to know about me, and I feel certain that I’ve said this before: I ain’t making no damn pie dough from scratch. It just is NOT going to happen, and I will save you some time here, folks. Don’t tell me how easy it is, don’t send me “Granny’s OMG Best Pie Crust Ever, Only Takes 30 Seconds to Make, Perfect Results Guaranteed Every Time!” recipe. I’m not making pie dough from scratch. NOT GONNA. NEVER. SO HUSH.

(Amanda is rolling around in agony right now and her high horse is totally snorting and pawing at the ground.)

Also, the original recipe played it pretty fast and loose with the filling. Basically – “prepared filling.” Okay, well, this is going to be easy, isn’t it?

Ingredients:

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Pie dough and prepared pie filling. I decided to make blueberry pies, obviously. Not shown: Crisco, which is what you fry your pies in.

On a side note, very hot oil makes me kind of nervous. One morning in November 1996 (so, like, before many of you were BORN), we were making a big breakfast for, um, breakfast. Fred was in charge of making gravy, and as he was stirring together the oil and flour, he got all VIGOROUS with his stirring. I was standing next to him cooking the scrambled eggs, and suddenly I thought to myself “Hmm. My foot feels odd.”

GODDAMN RIGHT my foot felt odd. A tsunami of boiling oil and flour had landed on TOP of my motherfucking foot, and was in the process of merrily burning the shit out of it. I screamed and backed away from the stove, and then Fred bent down and wiped the boiling oil off the top of my foot, removing a layer of skin and burning the shit out of his hand in the process. We spent the day in the emergency room and I could barely walk for a month afterward.

So I tend to avoid boiling oil, is my point. Anyway.

Then I was like “WHY are we making pie again? I’m not even that crazy about pie. No one in this house is all that crazy about pie!”

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“I like pie!”

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“Me, me! I’ll take some pie!”

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“Oh my ceiling cat! There’s PIE?!”

I decided to use just one of the pie crusts, instead of both, since Fred and I were in agreement that we weren’t going to be any kind of big fans of these little annoying PAIN IN MY ASS fried pies.

Unroll the pie crust.

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While this part was going on, I plopped a large amount of solid Crisco into the cast iron pan and set it over medium heat. I did take a picture, but it came out blurry and I decided to delete rather than share it. YOU’RE WELCOME.

I used a big plastic cup to cut out my individual pies.

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Plopped some filling on each pie dough round.

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Folded ’em over, and crimped the edges with a fork dipped in water.

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Don’t be impressed by the ONE pretty pie I managed. The other three barfed out their fillings all over the counter.

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The Crisco was melted and hot, so I put the pies in.

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I wish I’d been paying attention to how long they were cooking before I decided to turn them over, because it was TOO FRIGGIN’ LONG. The one on the right was allllmost burnt.

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You see all that oil flying through the air? What a pain in the ass to clean up.

When I decided they were done, I removed them from the oil and put them on paper towels to drain. After they’d cooled for a couple of minutes, I sprinkled them with Turbinado sugar. Then I used the rest of my dough to make a weirdly-shaped pie, and threw the rest of the pie dough in the Crisco to cook. Yes, I could have re-rolled the pie dough, but

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Then I put the other four pies on a plate and tried to take a decent picture.

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Fuck you, you fucking pies.

The verdict? I actually liked them. In fact, I liked them so much that the chickens and dogs didn’t get ANY of those pies. Fred didn’t like them, because he doesn’t like blueberry pie. If I were to do it over again, I’d probably use apple butter or cherry jam as the filling.

Will I make these again? No, but only because the cleanup was a pain. I’d happily eat them if someone made them for me in their own kitchen. Or actually, I’d make them myself if someone else came in and cleaned up after me.

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Nance’s take:

Sorry about this entry being late. Some of us worked all weekend and it appears that some of us celebrated 420.  Are you high, Felina Marie?

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If there is a recipe on here that isn’t healthy just go ahead and assume that I’m the one who picked it. I have a serious sweet tooth and I admit that our web site makes it awfully convenient for me to indulge in questionable food choices.  Ha!  I seriously just tried to justify why I chose fried pies for the recipe this week.  Like, really.  I don’t need to justify shit, man.  It’s FRIED PIES!

First, I have to tell you about the crap I had to go through just to make these freaking pies.  My mom has had a thing about stainless steel cookware that has been driving me batshit for years. She always yaps at me about how my aunt Red still uses the stainless steel cookware that she got when she was first married (50+ years ago). And how it still looks like new! She’s been telling me about this stainless steel cookware for years.

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When I saw a set of Wolfgang Puck’s cookware at the store I picked it up for her. I guess we’ll just call it a shut-the-fuck-up-already gift (because that’s exactly what it was).  It was cheap enough and I figured she would get over her stainless steel fascination when she got tired of scrubbing scorched food all the time.  I also wasn’t expecting much from them because they’re a celebrity brand and I don’t have much faith in that kind of stuff.  Can you say the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grill?  But, of course, I’m completely wrong and OHMYGAWD, WE LOVE THESE FREAKING POTS & PANS!

But the real kick in the ass?  My mom is an ASSHOLE about them.  She watches us when we’re using them (lest we do something harmful to them).  She even had the audacity to critique the way I washed them one day (and trust me, I am a maniac about clean dishes).  It’s a TO-DO any time we want to use them and I have already threatened her more than once that I will buy my own set because she’s such a fucking bitch about hers.

Which leads me to the making of the fried pies.  I wanted to use her pan because it was deeper than mine.  I was allowed, but trust me, she was keeping an eye on things.  Seriously.  She’s INSANE (but you guys already knew that).

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I may or may not like to torture her when I use them now because I am of the age where she can no longer beat my ass. The set came with spatulas, etc., and I decided I was going to use them only because she actually had them HIDDEN from us. Why? Her answer, “Because I didn’t want yunz messing them up.” Welcome to north of Pittsburgh! And also, how the hell could we possibly mess up kitchen tools?  Jesus H.

Note:  My mom would never in a million years stop me from using any of her things.  Yes, I am doing nothing but torturing Shirley for shits and giggles.  Some adult children need therapy to correct any damage that their parents supposedly did while they grew up.  Me?  Payback is a bitch, Shirley.  Hee!

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Shirley (obviously not a very good hand model…moisturize already!) is showing the proper way to measure flour. Do you guys know anybody who doesn’t do this? I wonder if young people today have a clue that you have to measure flour this way. We’re going to have to start doing some basic how-to pages soon.

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Shirley used MY camera to get this action shot of me putting the sugar in. Please note: Shirley is welcome to use my camera whenever she wants and I don’t say a word. Who’s not selfish? ME.

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It’s right about this time that I figured I would use the pie filling in my morning yogurt.  I thought I had conquered making pie crusts, biscuits, etc., but I assumed it was back to the drawing board when I saw this mess.

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Once I used my hands it came together pretty well. I threw it in the refrigerator and used my cell phone to call Rick to tell him he needed to pick up Crisco. Why can’t anybody tell me when they use up something and know we need more? Gah.

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Here I am rolling that dough out like it’s my job. I’m using my mom’s metal rolling pin that she’s had for at least 30 years. She got it from one of those door-to-door type sales things. Amway? Yes, I do happen to own many aprons. I just keep thinking that I won’t need to use them and end up having flour handprints all over ass.

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I deviated from the recipe and used a bowl to cut the dough out instead of the lid from the Crisco can because it makes for a prettier picture. Heh.

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Cherries! I love cherries, but if given a choice I would rather not have the kind that comes in the can. Too much sugar and that thick “sauce” is ridiculous. And is anybody else noticing the ridiculous price of canned fruit? At our local grocery store they wanted $3.99 a can. I accidentally found my fruit at Big Lots for $1.70 a can. WOW.

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OMG, you guys! Shirley got Crisco on the side of her precious pan and when I first noticed it I pushed that old woman out of the way and took a picture of it! She was mumbling some pathetic excuse while I was laughing at her and that’s when she dropped her entire spatula into the melted oil. I caught HELL big time for that one and it was SO WORTH IT.

What?

Fried Pie

This was pretty simple, but I still fucked it up. My crust wasn’t thin enough and I used too much filling on some of them. Learn from my mistakes. And also, if you’re using apple pie filling it helps to take them out of the can and cut them into smaller chunks. It makes it much easier to work with.

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I used TWO of Shirley’s special utensils to put this in her special skillet.

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Fried pie is frying.

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I thought about making a glaze for them, but it just seemed like a hassle when I already had a mess with just making the pies. I sprinkled sugar on them when they came out of the skillet as a compromise. Next time I’m definitely going to go with a light glaze. They filling is sweet on its own, but it just needed that little oomph that a glaze would add to make it perfect. The entire family agreed that this is a keeper and Shirley was already yapping about how she could see herself eating one of them on a road-trip.

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*Robyn and I are tentatively looking into possibly using DCEP as a virtual piggy bank.  Neither one of us want that kind of sneaky bullshit that you see on other blogs because we’re not into alienating anyone.  Eventually there will be a page about all of this, but we’re just putting our toe in the water right now.  Just know this:  DCEP is not, nor will it ever be, our jobs or our main source of income.  We’re just going to be open to advertising on the side bar and using an Amazon affiliate link.

 

Southern Fried Pies - Nance and Robyn make the same recipe
 
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
 
: Dessert, Snack, Midnight Snack, Midday Snack, Breakfast
Cuisine: South African
Serves: 8
Ingredients
  • 2 c. all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1 T sugar
  • ½ c. Crisco shortening
  • ¾ c. milk
  • (OR just buy a damn prepared pie crust from the store, dummy)
  • Prepared filling of your choice.
Instructions
  1. Whisk flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together in a large bowl.
  2. Cut in Crisco with a pastry knife, fork, or two knives.
  3. Add milk, stir together, and then roll together.
  4. Chill for 5 minutes.
  5. Roll out pie dough fairly thin (this is an awful recipe. Why would anyone ever make their own pie dough?)
  6. Cut into circles; you can use the top of a large plastic cup or a biscuit cutter or the top of the can of Crisco or your stupid feet. USE WHAT YOU WANT.
  7. Place your prepared filling on one half of the circle, not too close to the edge
  8. Fold the circle in half, over the filling.
  9. Crimp the edges of the pie dough with a fork dipped in water.
  10. Heat a large blop of Crisco shortening in an iron skillet (or whatever the hell kind of skillet you have. Seriously, WTF?)
  11. Lift pies with a spatula, one by one, and place in the hot Crisco, being careful not to splash it all over your stupid self, because that shit is HOT.
  12. Watch the pies carefully and turn them over when they're golden brown.
  13. When the other side is golden brown, remove the pies to paper towels to drain.
  14. Sprinkle each cooked fried pie with granulated sugar (Robyn used Turbinado).

 


Comments

Southern Fried Pies – Nance and Robyn make the same recipe — 60 Comments

    • After I ate every single one of the pies I did make, I was wishing I’d made an entire batch. I’m actually thinking of making more (with a different filling) next weekend! (I’m thinking I’ll bribe Fred to clean up after me!)

      • If you spread paper all over the area before you heat the grease the grease will get all over the paper, making cleanup a snap!

        If the flammable greasy paper catches fire, cleanup is even easier!

  1. That’s some funny shit right there! This is the first time I have checked this site out Robyn even though you have mentioned it have a dozen times. So yeah I’m hooked. Thanks for giving me yet another blog to be distracted by so that I don’t get my house clean. THANKS!

  2. Grease splatter…the worst! Add that to the fact that my apartment is poorly ventilated/tiny enough that lighting a match often sets off the smoke detector, which is programmed to announce “Fire, Fire!” which just makes me pause and reminisce about Beavis and Butthead (seriously).

    Nance, your regional references make me so nostalgic for my college days in Pittsburgh! Tonight, I’m going to ask my boyfriend if we can go dahntahn for a sammich, n’at.

    • Tina, I’m far enough north of Pittsburgh that we don’t say dahntahn or sammich. That’s how we can tell the true city folk apart from our locals (they also say the nasally yinz and we say the yunz). Most people traise their children here to not say those words and I stopped using yunz as soon as I got out of high school. Then a few years back I was in NC, after having drove all night, talking to my best friend (who was dying in the hospital) when I dropped the word yunz because I was so tired. We both cracked up laughing (he was from here and knows the words very well) and I decided right then and there that life is too short to worry about my weird vernacular.

      But my oldest son (Alex) can talk just like a true Pittsburgher and he does it to torture me until I’m screaming for him to stop. Because that shit is just not right. hee! 😉

      • It seems like most Pittsburghers I met had a really healthy sense of humor about it, though I’m still unsure if it’s ever ok to use “yinzer” when describing someone (people seem to split between thinking it’s a bad word or it’s not so I err on the side of caution). I like it though! I’m not one to judge anyway…I spent many years trying to escape my regional NY accent (which bizarrely developed AFTER I left NY to go to college), but it always slips out when I’ve had a drink or two. Dang it!

  3. Ok, now I want to make these. With Robyn’s dough of course, and Nance’s filling. Yum! And the animal pictures made me crack up. Stainless steel pans have always ended badly for me. But I have to admit, after the ‘review’ I’m tempted to go check them out.

    • The only thing I know is that we use regular vegetable oil (not cooking spray) in them and there’s a teeny tiny learning curve if you were used to using teflon coated type pans. But no lie, I freaking love them. Even if my mom is a pain in the ass about it. 😉

  4. Between the pre-made pie crust and the canned filling, you two are just GOADING Amanda now aren’t you? Keep up the good work! 🙂

    Since the boy-child answers unanswerable questions with “I like pie”, I guess this one is going into the regular rotation. It’s fruit for his lunchbox that I KNOW he’ll eat!

    • Please note: I’m not the one that was goading Amanda. But I’m pretty sure that Robyn is just trying to piss her off because she didn’t even bother to attempt the pie crust! She’s truly ruining the reputation of our “cooking” blog…sheesh. 😀

    • I’ve been on a kick lately where I want all the crap food, but I don’t want the chemicals that they put in them so that they “stay fresh” on the store shelves. This is probably why I was willing to put it all the work. I’m going to have to really, really have a craving for pie before I do it again. 😉

  5. Oh man, your entries continue to be the highlight of my day 🙂 You guys make me smile. Thank you. xoxo

    also, those pies look damn good… wondering what a little chocolate pudding in the middle might taste like!

    • Man, now I’m really wanting some hot chocolate pudding! Rick thinks I’m gross, but I eat it when it’s hot…I don’t even want it when it’s cooled. I think I’m going to make a pot of it sometime this week. Thanks for the idea!

    • Either you’re in one of the few areas of the country where they still fry them, or you haven’t had them in a lonnnnng time. In most areas of the country (including here!) they’re baking them now. Just NOT the same. When I worked at McDonald’s as a teen, they had fried pumpkin pies, and OMG. SO good!

      • You all are too funny! The Pizza Hut near me serves fried apple pies that are just like the old McDonald’s fried apple pies. They put cinnamon sugar on them but I always ask for the fried apple pies plain. I love that food trip down memory road.

      • Now I’m on the hunt for fried pies (in Pennsylvania, ugh). I’m gonna go check out the pizza hut web site and see if they have them. We have gross baked apple pies at our McDonalds.

        And also, I do not get Sweet Brown. And that video was just amateur and weird. Now I’m going to have to google her and see what was going on that she actually said, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” And two thumbs up for using the word “POP” instead of Soda.

      • Busted! I haven’t had McD’s fried pies in forever! They BAKE them now? Might be a few millenia more, then… Fried pies at the (Texas, anyway) State Fair are still fried (and are wonderful…) Nance, Sweet Brown was coming out of her apartment that was on fire in OKC. The original clip of her was from the local Oklahoma City news. Yeah, that’s what makes news ’round these parts! 😉

      • My husband has just informed me that all the McDonald’s (McDonalds’? McDonaldses? McDonaldses’?) in China still fry their pies. It’s awfully far to go, but good to know…

  6. I loved all the kitty pics…and…LEIA!!!!!! (She has many fans)
    Too would put a glaze on it but would have used apple pie filling!
    Nance, thanks for the straight Dawn tip!

    • GD, straight Dawn is the absolute best – I use it for everything. And it’s especially great on stained clothes. I dump some on the stain, throw it in the hamper and forget about it. When wash day rolls around they come out of the washer clean. I have the whole family doing it to their clothes now. Saves me a lot of ruined clothes!

  7. Robyn! I was totally reading through the print out recipe expecting:

    “Prep time: 10 mins Cook time: 5 mins Total time: 15 mins Clean-up time: Too DAMN long to make it worth it!”

    🙂

    My grandmother used to make these with peaches she’d grown in her own yard. (But she also made biscuits (by hand, not the whomp em can or frozen ones) every day of her life that she lived in her house and probably some days when she moved to the retirement apt.) Here in Atlanta, I just go to the Varsity and get myself a fried pie if I ever get a craving….

    • In retrospect, it really didn’t take all that long to clean up – I just hate cleaning grease off the FLOOR!

      I think Fred’s grandmother made these with fruit she’d grown herself, too. I, myself, did not grow up eating fried pies because I had a deprived childhood. (Ha!)

      • Robyn, you and I both were deprived and we even once had a peach tree! I could totally get down with a peach fried pie. And now I’m thinking that’s a good reason to visit Atlanta. Fried pies that we don’t have to clean up after. I’m in!

  8. Mmmm, these sound good. So are they better warm or cold? I have one of those splatter screens that you put over the pan. It works pretty well for bacon so perhaps it would work for these too. I bet Amanda would pick the cherries, pit them, make a glaze with brandy in it, grind her own organic whole wheat flour and use chilled bottled water. Then she would cut out stencils and use them to make designs on the finished pies with powdered sugar she powdered herself. I hope her high horse recovers.

    • Amanda invented frying foods. True story!

      I can tell you that they’re really good warm, but I… might not have let any of them get cold before I stuffed them in my face. 😀

      • Shirley said she didn’t like them when they were cold…she said they tasted a little bit greasy and is wondering why we cannot bake them. I smell a plan cooking itself up in her head. Danger…

  9. They sell these kind of pies in grocery/convenience stores all over Texas (Mrs. Bairds brand) – I am sure they are nowhere near as good as ya’alls, but there is no messy cleanup either. Amanda should be triple scornful of me.

  10. Chocolate pudding might not work, but my Aunt Estele from Arkansas (yes, that’s what we called her!) used to make these fried pies all the time. You just mix up coco, sugar and cinnamon, spoon it in and fry away. I still make them but skip the sugar since I use Dagoba cocoa and that’s sweet enough for me. And Aunt Estele from Arkansas was fancy schmancy, she always served them on plates with little paper doilies!

    • Sounds to me like Aunt Estele from Arkansas was my kinda lady. Frying her shit and serving it up on paper doilies. You go, Aunt Estele from Arkansas! 😀

    • This is how I remember my mom fixing them while growing up in Arkansas, too–Hershey’s cocoa and sugar, cinnamon and sugar, and just plain sugar. Yum!

  11. Oh wow, two desserts in a row. You guys are killing me. I’m trying to cut back on my sugar intake with little to no success. First pink lemonade cupcakes, now fried hand pies? I may be doing some baking this weekend.

    I think I’d do apple in these, very thinly sliced with cinnamon and sugar — even if the slices don’t quite cool and end up a little crispy, I think they’d be really good. I’d like to say that I’d make my own crust, but really, I’d just be kidding myself. Maybe I can get my mother to make the crust (she’s really good at it) and send it to me. (And lest you think that I am a college kid turning to mom for her pie crust, let’s just say that 1996 is a distant memory from when I WAS a college kid.)

  12. I am SO making these soon!

    apple pie filling for me though.

    my niece in law’s mom make AMAZING apple pies that we get to enjoy at Christmas time. all latticed topped and sugar sprinkled.
    bitch.
    yummy, but geez. make me look bad.
    I suck at making crust. and dessert is usually my contribution to family meals.
    she can’t make my chocolate carrot cake though! hahaha

    • Hmm. Chocolate carrot cake sounds intriguing!

      I like apple pie, but (and I just came to this realization recently) I prefer the pieces of apple chopped up pretty small. I don’t like big pieces of baked apple (though big pieces of raw apple are just fine.)

      • the chocolate carrot cake recipe i found as an ad for cocoa in a magazine over 20 yrs ago and it is so easy. Once you beat the eggs, a certain way, the rest is dump dump dump the ingredients in and bake it.
        the frosting is like eating a chocolate cheesecake with your cake. I’ve shared it online before and you are welcome to give it a shot for here!

  13. Yummy! I haven’t used Crisco in years, and I think I could deal with the clean up, but how does it smell? I hate that oil fry smell, it seems to get into everything and take days to dissipate. I am sure it is the crappy ventilation in our kitchen. Is Crisco stinky like that?

    Any way you could make a bit of money is just fine and dandy with me. The years of entertainment I have gotten from you guys, I feel like I should be paying you!

    • Aw, that is so sweet of you to say. We will take 6.5 billion dollars. Thank you, Come again! Hee!

      And yes, Crisco stinks. I was getting super nervous thinking that I might have to wash down my cupboards if the stink had stayed, but I got lucky.

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