Every week we’ll post a recipe that we both made. This week’s recipe was Fried Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of this post. The original recipe can be found over at Hershey Sweet Recipes.
Robyn’s Take:
This week’s recipe was Nance’s choice, and I flat-out told her that I was looking forward to trying it, but I was 100% sure that when I actually got around to making them, I was going to curse her name. Surprisingly enough (I must be maturing!)(HAHAHA) I did not curse her name even once!
First thing you do, is you make chocolate chip cookie dough. That’s easy, and who hasn’t made chocolate chip cookies before? (If you’ve never made chocolate chip cookies, I do not know what to tell you. I hope the wolves who raised you were kind.)
Your ingredients:
Flour, baking soda, salt, butter, brown and white sugars, eggs, vanilla extract, and chocolate chips. Since this was a Hershey recipe, they have Hershey’s chocolate chips as an ingredient, but I only had Ghiardelli on hand, because I’m a fancy bitch like that.
Stir your dry ingredients (flour, baking soda, salt) together in a bowl and set it aside. Then beat your butter for 2 – 3 minutes ’til it’s lighter in color. Throw your sugars in there and beat for another couple of minutes ’til it’s light and fluffy. (The original recipe says to add the sugars “slowly”, but please. Just throw that shit in there.)
Add the eggs 1 at a time, beating well after each, toss in your vanilla, and then add the flour mixture on low until just combined, and then stir in chocolate chips.
Yawners. Your basic chocolate chip cookie recipe. (I’m pretty sure any chocolate chip cookie recipe would have worked.)
Scoop your dough onto a cookie sheet (line it with parchment paper to make life easier, trust me. Parchment paper is THE AWESOME.) Since you’re not baking the cookies, you can crowd all your dough onto a couple of cookie sheets and not have to worry about them baking into each other. I hate it when my cookies do that. They need to keep their dough to THEMSELVES.
You’re going to use 2 teaspoons of the dough and roll it into balls. I mean, you can do that if you want to – I prefer to use my fancy-bitch cookie dough scoop (that’s an Amazon affiliate link, FYI).
Stick your cookie sheets in the freezer for 30 minutes or so. Then wander off and mess with the cats, take a nap, or bitch about how bloated you feel because you ate too much raw cookie dough. Whatever floats your boat, go do it.
“I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT ALL THAT COOKIE DOUGH, STOOPID.”
The next step is to heat oil in a deep-fat fryer to 350ºF. I don’t have a deep-fat fryer. When I was a kid I bought a Fry Daddy for my father for Father’s Day and then used it and promptly melted the lid down into the Fry Daddy. Which, I’m sorry, how stupid is it to have a PLASTIC lid on a deep-fat fryer? SO stupid.
But I don’t have a deep-fat fryer currently, so I got out my small pot, filled it about halfway with vegetable oil, put the candy thermometer in, and heated it to 350ºF over medium-high heat. It took FOREVER.
While that was going on, I made the batter, which is pretty easy.
Flour, sugar, club soda, baking powder, 1 lg egg. Mix it together.
Initially you add 1/2 cup of club soda (or seltzer water), and then once everything’s mixed up, you add more club soda/seltzer to the batter ’til it’s the consistency of heavy cream.
Mine was maybe more the consistency of paint now that I look at it, but whatever. I’d added another 3/4 cup of club soda on top of the initial half cup, and I was done with that shit.
Once your oil is heated to 350, get out your frozen blobs of cookie dough.
Dip the cookie dough into the batter, making sure it’s completely coated.
Hey, you see that triangular scar on my hand, the one north of the old-lady age spot I MEAN FRECKLE? I got that from a litter box. True story – I used to have covered litter boxes, and as I was scooping litter boxes one day, the lid fell down on my hand and gouged me. And I’ve been carrying that war wound ever since. Totally badass, right?
Carefully, CAREFULLY, drop each blob of batter-covered cookie dough into the hot oil.
Hot oil makes me nervous because almost 16 years ago Fred splashed hot oil onto the top of my right foot and it BURNED THE EVERLOVING SHIT out of the top of my foot. TRUE STORY. I had to go to the emergency room (though Fred tried to suggest that I could just smear some hydrocortisone on it and it’d be okay, SO SORRY TO INCONVENIENCE YOU FOR A RIDE TO THE ER AFTER YOU’VE MAIMED ME, MOTHERFUCKER)(and we were at that goddamn emergency room for like 6 hours, so he was probably right) (don’t tell him I said that) and it took a month before I could walk normally, with a regular shoe on that foot.
Oh, the good ol’ days.
(And I have a totally badass scar on my foot as a result, so it was TOTALLY WORTH THE SUFFERING.)
Anyway, I was convinced I was going to deep-fry a fingertip or two along with the cookie dough, but I managed to get away unscathed this time around.
This is what it looked like with two batter-covered cookie dough lumps frying deeply.
First they sink to the bottom, and then they get all floaty and bob around resisting your efforts to turn them over.
I ended up with a lot of crap floating around on top of the oil, and I was all “is that normal?”
When they were golden brownish, I took them out of the hot oil and drained them on a thick layer of paper towels.
And then I took a bite of one, and I was like “Oh hey, I know what was floating around on top of the oil!” Apparently the cookie dough melted out of the batter and floated around in the oil, because there was nothing inside the batter except a slight film of chocolate.
So I had to eat another one, of course.
The verdict? Fred told me, going into this, that he wasn’t going to like them. And he didn’t. Because he’s a motherfucker. I thought they were interesting, and not bad. I can tell you that the one I ate while it was still warm was WAY better than the one I ate later, when it was cold. Will I make them again? Um, no. I didn’t like them enough to go through the effort and the mental anguish of dealing with hot oil. If I see them at the fair (if I ever go to the fair and if they ever have deep-fried cookie dough there), I’ll probably get me some.
Confession: I only deep-fried about 10 of the cookie dough balls. The rest, I tossed into a plastic bag in the freezer. Now I can make chocolate chip cookies whenever the urge arises. I’m no dummy! (Hush, Nance.)
***************************************
Have a recipe you want us to make? Check out this page (there’s also a link to that page up there under the banner) and follow the instructions to submit a recipe!
***************************************
Nance’s Take:
I decided that if you can get through this entry until the very end, I will show you a picture of Shirley in her tube-top. Yup. 72-year-old Shirley with her double-what-the-fuck-evers in a TUBE-TOP. You may laugh, but remember…some of us are still traumatized.
Yes, I’m the one that picked out this recipe. Rick likes chocolate chip cookies and I like cookie dough. We all like fried foods. I figured this would be a huge hit.
How can you go wrong with something that takes two sticks of butter?
Do you know how hard it is to hold a camera in one hand while holding a running hand mixer with the other? Very hard. I could have had a serious accident, people. Do not try this at home. I’m not even going to tell you about the discussion (and googling) that went on with regard to using pasteurized eggs. Rick pointed out that I have never met a cake batter that didn’t end up in my mouth so I figured I would be okay. You do you and all that, but I went ahead and lived dangerously.
My mother wanted to help so I told her to measure out the flour, etc. Apparently this woman didn’t get the memo about using a separate bowl for the flour, etc. And also, this was not her first rodeo when it comes to making chocolate chip cookies so I don’t know what the fuck was going on with her.
Eventually we got it together and I was getting all excited. But first I need to show you the conditions that we had been working under…
I have a very narrow kitchen. Sadie loves to lay right in the middle of the floor in case we drop something. We usually just step over her as we go back and forth from the refrigerator to the counter. It’s a pain in the ass, but since she’s old and has hip problems we give her a pass on a lot of things. Waldo decided to join her the night we made this recipe. It’s just a matter of time until one of us breaks a hip.
Waldo does this every single day. He rolls back and forth until he falls asleep. On his side. With his paws held up. In the middle of the kitchen floor. He’s such a weirdo that we just consider this part of his charm and move on. But imagine trying to mix up cookie dough and deep frying stuff under these conditions. My life is getting ridiculous.
One has to wonder what was going on here. I hope they’re not talking about how fat my ass looks in my jeans. Nah, they’re probably just talking about how I need to mop my floors.
Grumpy egg does not approve of these shenanigans.
Felina tried out the cookie dough, but her heart wasn’t in it.
It was getting pretty hot in the kitchen and I was glad when I was done with rolling out these balls and able to throw them in the freezer for a while.
Never mind that I was wearing a goddamn sweatshirt and blue jeans in the middle of summer. Heh.
I was starting to wonder if I wasn’t going to end up with a huge clump of noodle-type shit, but it worked out okay.
Here we go! Whee!
I own a deep fryer. I think I used it maybe three times. Complete waste of money unless you deep fry food all the time. And if you’re doing that, you’re crazy and obviously can’t wait for the chance to visit your hospital cardiac unit. We should all be following the “once in a blue moon” rule when it comes to fried foods.
I was kind of excited to try this recipe because I thought it was going to be great – especially when it was throwing words like culinary and country club around.
I lined up three of them, snapped a picture and we each grabbed one.
Nope.
OHHELLNO.
It was the most disgusting thing any of us had eaten and I actually spit out my first bite because it was just too much. Too gross. Too disgusting. Too oozy. Too…YUCK. Just YUCK.
And then I figured we could “save” them by baking the rest of the dough balls like normal chocolate chip cookies.
NOPE. I like a flat chocolate chip cookie, but this was just off. And I knew for a fact that it didn’t work when I watched Rick toss his in the garbage can.
Buh-bye, shitty recipe. Grumpy egg thinks you suck.
Shirley in her tube-top as promised. Bwahaha. Ain’t no way I was posting anything on here that was going to piss off Shirley. She was a WAC (Army) and I value my life. Nice white paint on there, huh? It’s a multi-purpose outfit. Be jealous.
- Dough:
- 2½ c. all-purpose flour
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp salt
- 1 c. (2 sticks) unsalted butter
- 1½ c. brown sugar
- ½ c. sugar
- ½ c. pasteurized eggs (or 2 eggs. I assume they're suggesting you use pasteurized eggs because you're going to cram cookie dough in your face, so do whatever makes you comfortable.)
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 2 c. (12-ounce package) semi sweet chocolate chips
- Batter:
- 2 c. all-purpose flour
- 2 T sugar
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1 lg egg (or ¼ c. pasteurized eggs)
- ½ c. seltzer water or club soda, plus more as needed
- Vegetable oil, for frying
- Dough:
- Put the flour, baking soda, and salt in a bowl and stir to combine. Set aside.
- Using a mixer, beat the butter until it has lightened (2 - 3 minutes). Slowly add in sugars (or add sugar all at once, I won't tell anyone) and beat until it is light and fluffy.
- Add eggs 1 at a time and beat until they are well combined. Stir in the vanilla. Add the flour mixture (using the lowest setting on your mixer), then stir in the chocolate chips.
- Form the cookies using 2 tsp of the dough and roll it into balls (or use a cookie scoop). Put the balls onto a cookie sheet (on parchment paper, if you've got it). Put cookie sheets into the freezer for 30 minutes to firm up dough.
- Batter:
- In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar, and baking powder. Add the egg and half the seltzer/ club soda and mix well. Add more seltzer as needed until the batter is thick and the consistency of heavy cream.
- To make the cookies heat the oil in a deep-fat fryer (or a deep pot) to 350ºF. Dip the chilled dough balls in the batter and carefully (watch your fingers!) place them in the hot oil. Fry a few at a time, turning them over from time to time (they won't want to turn over. MAKE THEM.) until they are golden brown, around 3 minutes. Drain on paper towels and serve while still warm.
Comments closed – Spammers suck.
You guys realize that at the top of the entry, in bold, you have written that this is. FRED chocolate chip cookie dough, right? Being fresh out of Fred’s around these parts, I hope that’s a typo.
Look, Betsy, if you can’t spring for the specialized ingredients, I can’t help you. It’s IMPORTANT.
Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I’ve got some extra Fred. I’ll send it to you. Via Fred-Ex.
(SO AMUSED BY MYSELF.)
I’ve fixed the typo. I caught it like 40 times in the post itself, I’m not surprised one made it through my rigorous editing. That’ll teach me to skim my own stuff.
I’m ashamed to say that I read it and never caught it either. Although I did catch the part about some people being raised by wolves.
There goes our Wolves sponsors. THANKS, ROBYN.
We’ve still got the dog and cat sponsors clawing at the door, right? Um… right? 🙂
I don’t know, I mock the dogs (and the cats) an awful lot. Maybe they’ll worry about their feelings getting hurt – you know, like when my mom yells at me for hurting Felina’s fucking feelings. As if. That dog has no soul.
I really like your kitchen floors Nance! I’m actually obsessed with kitchen flooring right now as Jake the Akbash took it upon himself to redecorate by tearing my floor up. Now I need something that’s dog proof and meets the husband’s approval. Not that I need his approval, but I need his skillz to put the new floor in!! Hi Sadie!!
Thanks, Cathy – I absolutely loathe that kitchen floor. It’s linoleum that looks like wood and just screams tack-ass to me. But the price was right, so I deal with it. Sigh.
Seriously, ANY floor that isn’t plywood looks fabulous to me 🙂
I would kill to have plywood because that means you get to start fresh!
For Waldo’s (potentially hip-shattering) presence alone, this entry deserves five stars — what a cutie. And for Robyn’s scar(ring) revelations, add five more. Alas, your site scorns my iPhone, so said stars (and scars) are invisible.
Waldo in real life is not that cute. He sheds A LOT and has dandruff. And sometimes I need to use a diaper-wipe, if you not what I mean (ahem). Cleanliness is not next to Godliness in his book. He also snores…LOUDLY.
Let’s just say he’s “special” and leave it at that. LOL
Definitely not a girly-boy, then?
Not even close.
Awww, as someone who’s seen him in person (but has also never had to wipe his butt), I can say that he’s utterly adorable!
He is kind of adorable…from a distance.
Do not mock Waldo. Mock that asshole Felina all you want but not my Waldo. I love Waldo and his “specialness.”
Hush, you. You only say that because he comes running to you when you walk in the house. I swear he thinks you’re his long-lost mother or some shit. I have never seen a cat act so bizarre.
My mouth started watering just reading this title (I didn’t see it until after the spelling mistake was corrected. But that’s no offense to Fred…I’m not saying his fried dough wouldn’t make my mouth water!). It’s a shame these didn’t turn out well. Cookie dough & fried stuff = some of my favorite things! But oh well, I still give it five stars due to Robyn’s stellar use of the MF’ers (bravo, Robyn, bravo!), and I’m also giving combat credit for those badass scars (or street cred…word to your mutha!) And props to Nance for exposing herself to such a hostile environment and the extreme risks she endured just to make this post happen…Sadie, Waldo, Fe-Fe, Grumpy Egg, and the pink nightmare?! Such a hell hole! 😉
It’s rough being me, but I do what I can. 🙂
These sound so freakin’ good (cookie dough! fried stuff!), it’s too bad they were gross.
Nance, your fried thingies look so tidy and round. I’m sensing a pattern here.
Oh, I meant to comment about this last week when you made the 7-Up biscuits, but I forgot. I think there’s a book you both need to see — I got my copy several (8? 9?) years ago. It’s called _The Gallery of Regrettable Food_, and it’s a collection of frightening recipes from 1950s-era cookbooks. It has a whole section on cooking with 7-Up — that’s what made me think of it — but it’s the frightening photos of aspic jellies and molded loafs combined with the author’s descriptions that are really hilarious: http://www.amazon.com/The-Gallery-Regrettable-Food-Highlights/dp/B0028N72GW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373380598&sr=8-1&keywords=gallery+of+regrettable+food
(Looks like it’s out of print. Hmm.)
I thought for some reason that Wendy McClure’s book of diet recipes from the ’70s was going to be at the other end of that link!
You guys just reminded me to dig out that old cookbook with the recipes scotch-taped inside. There was a jelllo mold made with horseradish that I’m dying to try.
I LOVE that book. That was some crazy-ass food back in the 70’s (and her comments made it even more hilarious). I’m going to have to dig that book up and re-read it.
I haven’t bought the book, but I love to frequent some of the recipe cards Wendy McClure has on her website. I recommend you guys try Marcy’s “Enchilada”.
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards/quoteenchilada.html
I actually have two copies of regrettable food.
And James Lileks is a fellow.
I find it amusing that the more time and effort you two put into recipes, the less likely they turn out well. But it’s true in my own life as well…the food I slave away on for more than a few hours always turns out “Meh” but anything under an hour and a half gets better reviews.
I’m kind of with both of you on the cookie dough – I’d rather have the raw cookie dough than fried, and your review has confirmed that thought 🙂
Anytime I’m in the kitchen, it’s like I’m cooking in a mine field. Cats are scattered at various points, hoping that I either drop something or trip over them with something in my hands. The numbers double if I use a can opener. I think that’s what they call defensive baking.
The “Fred cookie dough” is hilarious. I figured that Fred had wound up bringing a bunch of goats home and Robyn just snapped.
I’m surprised you actually made the cookie dough. I probably would have bought some from the store, rolled it up, and tossed it in the freezer.
I actually HAVE premade cookie dough in the fridge, but decided that I was going to follow the instructions exactly, just in case. Given how they turned out, I wish I had used it!
We had to stay true to the goddamn recipe (sadly). I just want to know how the hell they are serving that at the Hershey Country Club. NO WAY.
Why do you have pre-made cookie dough? Do you make them up and serve them to the chickens with some warm milk?
Oh..
my..
goodness.
seriously? how could NO ONE here thought to use premade cookie dough in all this?? You know, slice and bake? PERFECT sponsor opportunity as well as poking a little you know what at you know who..
DAMN, I didn’t even think about the Amanda factor. Another opportunity lost! 🙂
Damn, you made Robyn invoke the name of Amanda…
I only do break and bake or slice and bake cookies because my wolves made really great sugar cookies with cookie cutters and yummy browned edges but no chocolate chip. I’ve had the fried oreos and those I love but I buy them. Long ago I used to deep fry and had a scary grease fire. I was a newlywed and screaming and panicking. My husband was in the shower right off the kitchen (tiny, weird apartment). He came running in nekkid and my sister who was there got an eyeful. That is what I picture when I think of deep frying. My husband smothered it with the rag rug (remember those?). I grew up and handled my three other kitchen fires over the next 30 years but there is no deep frying anymore. We’re fat enough.
Glad to know I’m not the only one tripping over animals in the kitchen. I truly expected a full tube top shot. Silly me!
Annette, I love the fact that you admit to more than one kitchen fire – that shit just made my day! 😉
I’ve never had a kitchen fire but I did once let two hot dogs boil dry in a nonstick pot and had the accusing shadows of the weiners accusing me for the remaining years I had the pan.
It was like those shadows on the walls of Hiroshima, but in hot dog form.
I was already hooting with laughter at the image of Annette’s naked husband wielding a rag rug against a fire in front of a houseguest, but the weiner shadow comment just pushed me over the edge — my coworkers are demanding to know what’s so damn funny! I’m reminded of my grandmother’s kitchen — as a child, every time I visited, I had to hear the story about why there were spots all over the ceiling (something about an exploding pressure cooker filled with green beans!) LOL
Best comment thread for this post right here. Naked husbands putting out fires and weiner shadows. I’ve been relatively lucky in the kitchen so far, only setting a dish towel on fire the very first time I tried to cook (oven BBQ chicken). However, there’s the burning popcorn story of 1998. I was on a school trip with some friends at Disney World. Our hotel suite had a microwave, so my best friend decided to make some popcorn. Apparently she did not follow directions and put it on for 10 minutes thinking she’d “hear” it stop popping. Next thing you know, smoke is billowing across the hotel room and she is flinging a BURNING bag of popcorn out the window into the bushes below our room (we were on the 2nd story). Then we were madly fanning out the smoke with blankets and shirts to try to avoid setting the smoke alarm off. She’s hanging out the window in just her bra, trying to use her shirt to fan out the smoke and some guy getting into his car gets about 6 eyefuls (she was a busty gal). We didn’t set off the alarm, but our choir director banged on the door and yelled at us for smoking up the whole floor (it’s sad that we were sheltered enough kids that we weren’t smoking it up in an entirely different manner). I had a blanket that smelled like burnt popcorn no matter how many times I tried to wash it.
If you’re really need a fried chocolate fix, I recommend these. (Though, I did not include the pansy-ass mint-leaf when I made them!) I made these for a group of us once, and everyone loved them.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chocolate-hazelnut-ravioli-recipe/index.html
Those are pretty neat, but you lost me at Hazelnut. Blech. And did you ever notice how huge Giada’s head is as compared to her body? That shit is wild.
My boyfriend refers to her as “lollipop head” (or “bobble-head”), so yea, I’ve noticed.
I’m sure you can substitute the Nutella for some other chocolate spread and it would taste good. Looks like Jiff and Skippy are getting into the chocolate spread territory lately, so there is always that.
Giada also occasionally looks COMPLETELY insane, especially when she smiles.
Have you looked in the mirror lately, Robyn? Don’t make me pull out the pictures and do a side-by-side comparison!
I never paid attention Giada’s head until some friends brought it up when we were talking about the Food Network. But South Park did a funny as hell episode about Randy watching all the cooking shows and referred to her as “she of the big head and enormous tats”!
Am I considered raised by wolves because I don’t like chocolate chip cookies? My mother can’t understand this because I make great chocolate chip cookies of all sorts on request (even the no-flour ones that are chocolate, chocolate chip with coconut) I just don’t eat them. And now I’m worried Amanda doesn’t approved of cooks who won’t eat their own cooking . . .
I do not know what Robyn has against wolves. I mean, I would imagine that a wolf could be a good parent just like the rest of us. Isn’t that kind of racist or some shit? I don’t know. Seems to me that Robyn should watch her mouth before she takes the entire empire down like Paula Damn Deen.
And Amanda is probably so perfect that she doesn’t have to eat her own cooking so I think you’re okay in that department. Also, please send in no-flour recipe for chocolate/chocolate chip and coconut cookies. I NEED.
I’ll dig it up when I get home and send it off. I will forewarn that the cookies come out crispy and they’re not particularly flat.
There was a Good Eats show where Alton Brown showed how to tweak a cookie recipe slightly to get the flat to chewy to cakey cookie just how you like it.
It’s probably bad manners to reply to myself but here’s the link to the recipe: http://tastykitchen.com/recipes/special-dietary-needs/gluten-free/flourless-chocolate-almond-and-coconut-cookies/
I didn’t realize I got it from Tasty Kitchen but there we are. Warning: these suckers have a lot of sugar! I’ve made them with only 2 cups of powdered sugar instead of 3. You might have to add more cocoa or reduce your egg whites. Also, I use unsweetened coconut and chop up unsweetened chocolate because, see above note about SWEET!
Nope, not bad manners at all! In fact, I’m thinking that there was only one person on here (AMANDA) that had bad manners. Our peoples are fricking fabulous!!!!!
Thanks for the link. And the suggestions about handling the sweet problem. I can’t wait to find a minute to try these out. Chocolate and Coconut…YUM.
Lordy, I have to learn to read before I hit comment. (or subconsciously, perhaps I love the “skinny reply” that results!) Forgot to add that you really need to watch them in the oven. Since they’re meringue-like they go from Done! to Burned! in about 30 seconds.
I make stuff – at Fred’s request – that I don’t care for. Hell, for that matter I have 74 zillion jars of habanero jam that I’ve never tasted.
I so disagree — Amanda only picks at her high-maintenance recipes, and each time she does so, she uses a clean pair of pricey chopsticks.
W-wait — that was supposed to go with the A—-a discussion. Sorry.
Try this link: http://www.lileks.com/#everything
Just make sure you pee before you read The Gallery of Regrettable Food or you’ll be changing your panties.
Robyn and Nance, how did I go so long before finding this site? I also cook with cats and cat hair! Isn’t it the best?!
Ah yes, I forgot that he had a website! No need for the book now. 🙂
I wonder if Robyn’s cookie balls dissolved because her oil wasn’t hot enough to cook them quickly. Maybe similar with Nance’s goo ball.
But even if you had it exactly right, I’m not sure that it basically wouldn’t be a spherical cookie and that’s all, Or a breaded cookie, which just seems weird.
I tend to be a stubborn purist in my sweets – plain glazed donuts, not the superfrosted stuffed with jam things.