BACOOOOOOOOOOON

There’ll be no tandem post this week. To tide you over ’til next week, let’s talk about bacon. BACOOOOOOOOOOON.

Until we had our first pigs processed, I was never a fan of bacon. I mean, I’d eat a piece now and then, but if given the choice, I always preferred sausage. Preferably in the form of links. Also, I thought that I preferred my bacon on the chewier side rather than on the crisp side.

I KNEW NOTHING, JON SNOW.

We had our first pigs processed, and we got all these packs of bacon. And I was like “What the what am I supposed to do with THIS SHIT? Are we supposed to CURE this shit? I DON’T EVEN LIIIIIIKE BACON, WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” (Jesus, what a whiny bitch.)

And then Fred was all “Well, the guy said that uncured bacon is THE BOMB, just cook it like you would regular bacon, and let’s try it!”

I was skeptical – I am ALWAYS skeptical, it should be my middle name – but I gave it a try. I fried up some bacon, and LO. It was AWESOME.

Then someone suggested that I cook it in the oven, under the broiler, and I liked that a LOT because I hate it when bacon grease spatters all over the stove top and the floor in front of the stove. I swear, I can scrub up the bacon grease with all kinds of grease-cutting cleaners, and we still go skating for weeks when we hit the spot in front of the stove.

The problem with making the bacon in the oven under the broiler is that the grease that is no longer spattering all over your stove top and floor is now splattering all over the inside of your oven. AND YOUR OVEN DOESN’T LIKE IT. I didn’t actually set off the smoke alarm while making bacon under the broiler, but it was only because I would run the ceiling fan on high and open the kitchen windows.

AND. THEN. I was browsing around on Pinterest as I am wont to do, and I saw a post someone did. I would be VERY happy to provide a link to that LIFE SAVING post, but the piece of paper I printed it out on was PEED UPON by a GODDAMN CAT, and so I have zero clue where it came from. If it was yours, let me know and I’ll credit you! (I did do an “oven bacon” search on Pinterest, and found 75 zillion posts, so apparently I’m the only one in the entire world who didn’t know about this method of making bacon.)

I’ve been making bacon this way for a couple of months now, and I consistently get the BEST BACON EVER this way. The bacon in these pictures is actually store-bought bacon (I needed to make it for an upcoming recipe), because that’s when I thought to take pictures, so that’s what you get.

Ready? Here we go!

Get out a cookie sheet, and cover it with tinfoil (this makes for easier clean up. If you prefer not to use tinfoil because you’re an earth-hugging hippie, then you go right ahead and skip this step. SOMEONE has to look out for Mother Earth, don’t they?)

Put a cooling rack or whatever kind of wire rack you have, on top of the tinfoil. If you don’t have a rack, it’s no problem – I just like to use a rack because it keeps the bacon out of the grease, and you don’t have to worry about blotting the grease off the bacon. (Bacon with grease blotted or drained off is actually a health food. IT IS KNOWN.)

If you use a rack, it might behoove you to lightly spray the rack with cooking spray. It’s not a definite necessity, but sometimes bacon will stick to the rack as it cooks, and if you don’t want to spend the rest of the day picking stuck bacon off the rack with your teeth, then this is a time-saving step.

Lay your bacon on the rack.

BACON01

Did you notice that at no point have I mentioned needing to turn the oven on and let it preheat? This is because you put your pan o’ bacon in a COLD OVEN.

Let me repeat this:

PUT YOUR PAN OF BACON IN A COLD OVEN.

When your pan of bacon is in the COLD OVEN, turn the oven on to 375ºF.

Now, the time your bacon sits in that oven is going to vary. The store-bought bacon I made took 20 minutes to get to the crispy perfection I needed. The home-grown (uncured) bacon I usually make takes about 35 minutes. I recommend you check your bacon at 20 minutes, and then decide from there. If it’s nowhere near done, check it in another 10 minutes. If it’s close but not quite there, give it another 4 – 5 minutes. I cannot give you an exact time to let your bacon stay in the oven (and believe me, it’s killing me not to be able to do so, because if God wanted us to stand around the kitchen peering in the oven to see if our food is done, he wouldn’t give us SO MUCH OTHER SHIT that needs to be done RIGHT NOW. Who’s got the time for hanging around the kitchen all “Oh, is it done yet? Nope. Now? Nope. How about now? NOPE.”? I know it ain’t NONE OF US, am I right?)

This was my bacon after 20 minutes:

BACON02

Note that the grease has drained away in a non-spattering way, all calmly collected in the bottom of the pan. NO smoke. NO need to turn the ceiling fan on high and open the windows and call the local fire department to let them know you’re making bacon. SO easy, SO mess-free, and SO DAMN GOOD.

(Hey, who sounds like an infomercial right now? Is it me? Send me three easy payments of $9.95 and you get a BONUS of SIX TINY KITTENS!)

BACON03

I had to crumble this bacon up for my recipe, and I had a hard time not cramming it all directly into my mouth.

So there you go. Go make yourself some bacon. BLTs for dinner tonight? Scrambled eggs and bacon rolled up in a tortilla? THE WORLD IS YOUR BACON-FLAVORED OYSTER.

Oven-Baked Bacon
 
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
 
Original Source/Author:
: BaconBaconBaconBacon
Cuisine: BAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN
Serves: 1 pc bacon per person HA HA HA HA
Ingredients
  • BACON
  • Cooking spray (such as Pam)
Instructions
  1. DO NOT PREHEAT YOUR OVEN.
  2. Line a cookie sheet or roasting pan with tinfoil (or not, you hippie).
  3. Place wire rack on top of tinfoil (rack is not strictly necessary, if you don't have one, don't sweat it, you can lay the bacon directly on the tinfoil; you just need to blot the bacon (or not) when it's done to remove some of the grease).
  4. Lightly spray wire rack with cooking spray.
  5. Lay your bacon in single slices along the wire rack (or on the tinfoil). Leave a little space between the slices of bacon so the bacon won't stick together.
  6. Place pan o' bacon in A COLD OVEN. Turn oven on to 375ºF.
  7. Depending on the thickness of your bacon, it may be done at 20 minutes, or might take as long as 35 - 40 minutes. Check the bacon at 20 minutes, and decide from there.

 


Comments

BACOOOOOOOOOOON — 55 Comments

  1. I’m sorry, only six kittens? are you keeping the seventh??

    🙂

    actually real honest to goodness not CAFO bacon (aka your home grown and not your kraft or other name brand already in a package bacon) is an health food.. Animals that grow up eating what nature intended them to produce flesh and fat that is full of nutrients the human body NEEDS.. (which is once again why it is so darn tasty) far far more nutritious than the over processed oils ‘they’ tell you are healthy like canola and soy which are made from GMOs and are so highly refined they have to then be deodorized to get you to eat them..

    so I’m ranting.. when basically i just want to say.. eat the bacon!

  2. I discovered cooking bacon in the oven about a year ago by googling how to cook in the oven. I figured someone must have done it at some point. And your way is the way I found minus the cooling racks. Then one day at work at lunch time bacon came up and I mentioned cooking in the oven and everyone was like “WHAT! I CAN DO IT IN THE OVEN AND IT’S SO MUCH BETTER AND NO MESS!?!” Too funny. But, one chick actually knew about it and mentioned the cooling racks. And I was all “WHAT! I CAN USE COOLING RACKS AND THEY WON’T BE FULL OF GREASE!”

    Yeah, that was a happy day at the office.

    But my oven sucks ass so I actually have to turn them around and over to get the crispyness I like. Can’t wait for tax refund to finally get a new one.

    • I won’t Robyn’s cooling racks. I have some, but they’re “high” with legs and I hate them. This is really just a mental note to tell myself to steal hers when I go down for a visit.

      • I actually didn’t want that cooling rack! I finally got new cookie sheets (because the old ones were so gross), and that came with the sheets. And of course it’s absolutely perfect for EVERYTHING (and fits perfectly in the dishwasher)!

    • My kid was doing that and he said it’s like candy. I’m afraid to try it because I’m pretty sure the fat ass and the diabetic would get hooked on that particular kind of crack. 😉

      • We have a barbecue place here that sells that. They call it pig candy. They sell a sandwich called the Pig on Pig that is pulled pork in barbecue sauce with the candied bacon on top. It is to die for and naturally my fat diabetic ass loves it.

    • If you really want to give the bacon a little something special, sprinkle brown sugar AND a touch of cayenne on the bacon. (Though Robyn might not appreciate the cayenne.)

      Also, a peanut butter and bacon sandwiche with a glass of cold milks is awesome.

  3. You can also microwave it on one of those bacon rack thingies with a paper towel over so catch the splatter. Much easier for me anyway.

    • No lie – when I read Robyn’s entry I thought about putting a paper towel over the bacon in the oven. Wonder if that would have caught the hell on fire?

  4. I just put my bacon in the microwave, on a layer of paper towels, and another paper towel on top. Nuke it for a few minutes- crispy bacon perfection without having to wait too long! The paper towels catch the grease spatter so the microwave doesn’t even get messy.

  5. BACON!!!!!!! I have a friend who makes chocolate and bacon bars on a graham cracker crust. I turned up my nose at first, but after trying it, it is TO DIE FOR!!!

    Do you save the bacon grease for cooking/seasoning? My grandmothers always kept a crock on the stove full of bacon grease. I, alas, don’t cook bacon enough to keep it on hand.

  6. no tandem post? but….but I made the stroganoff. *sniff*. this is like asking for a kitten at christmas and getting a package of athletic socks. THANKS FOR NOTHING *runs upstairs and slams door*

  7. I need to try this method. I do it in the microwave and it’as OK but could be better. I refuse to fry it because of the awful splatter burns plus the damn mess. We like Hormel’s Uncured Bacon that our Target sells the best. I love breakfast sausage too, especially the one my family’s original butchger in Philadelphia sells. Driving and hour and a half or more to get it is a real PITA though so I buy like 10 lbs. and break it down and freeze it. We love pork roll and scrapple too. Do you gt scrapple from the pigs.

    • I’ve heard of scrapple, but I never ate it (no desire to for some reason) and I do not like sausage. I just realized that if I lived with Robyn, I would STARVE. lol

      • We used to have scrapple & buttered toast for dinner when I was a kid. Or, fried mush & bacon. Happy, happy food memories! I’ve been baking my bacon for about a year, won’t ever fry it again!

    • No, we don’t get scrapple from the pigs. I’ve never had it, and Fred’s not a fan.

      Why is it that it never EVER occurred to me that you could buy uncured bacon in the store?!

      • I’ve gotten uncured bacon from our BJ’s (it’s like a Sam’s or Costco) that is called Sunday Bacon and that wasn’t bad but we liked the Hormel better.

        Wow, Nance, I thought most Pennsylvanians were scrapple lovers. My dad hates it so my mom never made it but my bf’s dad was a butcher and I learned to love it at her house.

    • Scrapple. Blech!

      Honestly though if I had ever tried it BEFORE I knew what it’s made of/how it’s made – I would probably have loved it. I love love love fried Spam – but have very deliberately stayed away from finding out what it is made of/how it’s made. It seems to me it’s the southern version of scrapple.

      • I had no clue what scrapple was made of when I started eating it. Now I look for Habberset(a popular Pennsylvania/Delaware Valley brand) because it does not contain snouts. The thought of pig snouts just grosses me out. I had Spam for the first time last year. I bought it with other canned goods in anticipation of Superstorm (Hurricane) Sandy. We were not hard hit like many others and I had lots of canned goods left over. Spam isn’t bad but it’s too salty for me. I’ve had high bp for 20+ years and try not to eat very salty things.

      • I haven’t eaten Spam in years and years. I suspect Fred would be happy to eat it, but I have a knee-jerk “Blech” response to the idea of it.

  8. Any one else find it amazingly funny that this hit the boards lateish morning today and already has over 30 comments? It’s BACON people!

    Amanda is fainting dead away somewhere because this. is. NOT. a. recipe.

    (of course now I’ve got to go home and cook some bacon…)

  9. Hey Nance-

    Instead of using brown sugar you can use maple syrup ( I use sugar free since I am both a fat ass AND a diabetic)brushed on each slice and get some of the same flavor as using brown sugar.

  10. Tried it this morning and I am a changed woman! BLT’s everyday! Amanda had a shitfit though because she thinks I should slave over a hot stove in work attire. She’s a hussy like that.

  11. Christmas Eve Day! Middle daughter says make this new recipe: Loaded Potato Soup. Getting started on the prepping… how did Robyn say to make a ton of bacon…

Comments ( Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *