Oatmeal Lace Cookies

Rick (aka: the husband) likes thin and chewy oatmeal cookies and the only ones I know how to make are too fluffy for him.  Truth game:  My oatmeal cookies are thin and crisp.  The husband is obviously smoking the wacky weed.  

Because I am a good wife I try to find recipes that will make my man happy.  I snorted at this and then realized that this was how I found the recipe below and I need to shut my piehole because it appears that I have some kind of Stepford situation going on.  Or, it could be that I’m just a considerate and kind person (shut-up, it could happen).

I googled around and found this recipe.  I tried it based solely on the photo of the finished product that was on the site.  Oatmeal Lace – there’s no way to lose.  Those fuckers have got to be thin enough for the husband.

This is not your one bowl type of cookie, but it’s not hard to make either.  I just measured out my dry ingredients so that I was ready for the whole shebang to happen.

Oatmeal Lace Cookies

Here’s a really bad picture of the dry ingredients.  Seems like old times, no?

Oatmeal Lace Cookies

Waldo helped out by laying in the middle of the kitchen floor for his nap. Oatmeal Lace Cookies

The butter and brown sugar goes in a saucepan and after the mixture has been cooked smooth, you add the rest of the ingredients. It reminds me of making no-bake cookies except you bake these. No shit, Nance.

Oatmeal Lace Cookies

I scooped them on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper. If you don’t have a cookie scoop you’re not really happy. I went years without one then one day I broke down and got one. I will never make another cookie without it. It’s that nice. But I cringe every time I use parchment paper because it cost real money and I’m just going to throw it away. Robyn uses fancypants parchment paper sheets. I don’t know why I care because I sure as hell don’t mind rolling the hell out of the aluminum foil. Maybe I’m a tree-hugger and just don’t know it.  Maybe I secretly hate metal.  Maybe I’m just a nutbag with issues about particular things.  I think the last one is it.   Oatmeal Lace Cookies

Then I baked them until they were golden brown.  I showed my filthy oven because I want Amanda to appreciate the fact that I cook like a degenerate.  Some of us are not as precious as she surely is.  Sigh.

Oatmeal Lace Cookies

This is what I ended up with. My mom (Shirley) and I did not like them. Rick loved them. Too bad he’s never getting them again because I sure as hell am not making something I don’t like.  I have no idea if you’ll like them or not.

Try this recipe at your own risk.

Oatmeal Lace Cookies
Original Source/Author:
: Cookie
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter
  • 2¼ cups light brown sugar
  • 2¼ cups rolled oats
  • 3 tablespoons all purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 egg, slightly beaten
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  1. Preheat Oven to 375 degrees Line baking sheets with parchment paper. Set aside
  2. Heat Butter and brown sugar in a 2-qt saucepan over medium heat, stirring frequently until butter is melted and mixture is smooth
  3. Stir in oats, flour, salt, egg, and vanilla
  4. Drop cookie batter by the teaspoon on baking sheets, leaving 2" between to allow for spread
  5. Bake for 5-7 minutes or until golden brown
  6. Allow to cool on cookie sheet for 30 seconds before removing to racks.


Homemade Pierogies

Pierogi ; also spelled perogi, pierogy, perogy, pierógi, pyrohy, pirogi, pyrogie, or pyrogy; are dumplings of unleavened dough – first boiled, then baked or fried usually in butter with onions.

I’m going to show you two ways of making cheese and potato pierogies. By hand and by using a simple Pierogi mold.  Printable recipe can be found at the bottom of the page.  I’m telling you now that I’m horrible with using detailed/technical terms about cooking.  I’m counting on everyone that tries this recipe to have had at least one home economics class under their belt (or spent some time in the kitchen with an aunt like I did).  You can use all different types of fillings (Google that shit), but around here we stick with the one we know and love.

Some quick points.

  • One person can make this, but it’s easier and faster if you make this recipe with someone.
  • Nobody makes pierogies for just one meal.  Have freezer bags handy because this recipe makes a lot. They freeze beautifully.
  • It’s not difficult, but it will take time.  I usually block out an afternoon when we make them.


Mix together the flour, margarine, salt and sour cream.  I use a pastry cutter because I’m fancy that way, but you can use a fork if you’re not a fancypants.


Hollow out the mixture and pour in the beaten eggs.  Add milk last.


DO NOT USE A MIXER. Use your hands. This is the part I hate, but it has to be done. Make sure you just mix it (don’t knead it)  – add flour as needed, but don’t go nuts.


When it’s all mixed together (so that it forms a nice ball) place a wet paper towel over it and let it rest for 10-15 minutes.


While the dough is resting make your mashed potatoes. If you’re using real mashed potatoes you should have them finished (with cheese added) before you start making the dough.


Mix the cheese in while the potatoes are still hot because you want it to melt.


Cheesey Potato Heaven.


Take a small amount of dough (leaving the rest covered with the wet paper towel) and roll it out.  Use a goblet (1970’s, baby) or another wide mouth glass/mug to cut out circles. Yes, I have a mess here. It happens.


Drop a heaping spoonful of the mashed potatoes in the middle of the dough.


Lightly brush water around the edges of the circle.


Fold over and pinch closed with a fork. Make sure they’re sealed or you’ll have a mess when you go to boil them.  When we make pierogies we usually lay them on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper as we go.  Then we put the entire cookie sheet in the freezer.  Rumor has it this is called flash-freezing.  Heh.  After they’ve hardened up, put them in freezer bags and freeze until ready to make.  The following  steps are used whether you’re cooking them fresh or frozen.


In a skillet, fry sliced onions with butter.  You can skip the onions if you’re like me and just melt butter in the skillet.


Drop the pierogies into boiling water – they’ll float to the top when they are done. Strain.  You CANNOT skip the boiling step.


Add them to the skillet with the butter and onions. Again, you can skip the onion part if you want, but don’t skip frying them in the butter.


A favorite meal at our house.  These bad boys are Eastern European peasant food and I love them!

Using a pierogi mold is a helluva lot faster than doing them by hand.


Flour your mold. Roll your dough out a little bit bigger than the size of your mold.


Lay the dough over the mold.


Fill with the cheese/mashed potatoes. Brush water all around


Roll out another layer of dough and place it over the mashed potatoes in the mold.


Run your rolling pin over the mold.


Lift off the excess dough (which can be used again).


Turn the mold over and plop them out onto a wax-paper lined cookie sheet.  Once the cookie sheet is filled up flash-freeze them.


I boiled these for lunch one day – straight from the freezer.


And it only took me a couple of minutes to fry them up.


And then I had a fabulous lunch. Did you notice how half of the pierogie is missing in this picture?  I couldn’t wait.

Pierogies re-heat in the microwave really well so don’t worry about making too many at one time (as if).

Homemade Pierogies
Original Source/Author:
: Dinner
Cuisine: Eastern European (peasant food)
Serves: A shit ton
  • Filling:
  • 8 cups mashed potatoes (already cooked instant or made with real potatoes)
  • 8 cups mild cheddar cheese (finely shredded)
  • Dough:
  • 6 cups flour
  • ½ stick (or ¼ cup) softened margarine
  • 1 pint (or 2 cups) sour cream
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 5 large eggs (slightly beaten)
  • ¼ cup milk
  1. Start by making the mashed potatoes first (instant or real). When finished make sure you have 8 cups. Add the shredded cheese to the mashed potatoes while they're still hot. Stir until melted. Set aside.
  2. Measure flour into a large bowl. Add margarine, sour cream, salt. Mix together with pastry cutter or fork. Form a hollow in the flour mixture and pour in eggs. Add milk. Mix together with hands. Add more flour if needed. Don't knead the dough (this isn't bread/pizza dough). When it's mixed well, cover with damp towel and rest for 15 minutes.
  3. Working with small sections of the dough, roll out flat and cut into circles using a wide mouth glass/mug (or use a pierogie mold - see above). Put a heaping spoonful of the mashed potato mixture in the center of the dough circle. Lightly brush with water and fold the circle in half. Pinch with fork to seal. Drop in boiling water until they float then fry in a skillet with butter and onions.
  4. Can also be flash-frozen and placed in freezer bags. Making frozen is the same - just drop in boiling water until they float and then fry.


Pass it on…

When it comes to DCEP Robyn said it best, “It’s become another pain in the ass obligation, and I am beyond done with pulling out the camera and taking shitty pictures of food.”

Look, we’re both incredibly busy and keeping up with making regularly scheduled recipes has become a major hassle that we just don’t want to deal with.

So we’re hitting the brakes on DCEP. I’ll eventually put the pierogi recipe up as promised and I may even do more recipes as time permits (it won’t be a step-by-step, but yunz already know how to cook). I will post it all on the DCEP Facebook page when I do.


PS: Robyn and I remain BFFs and our Internet shenanigans are far from over. Don’t slit your wrists over this, Amanda.

Fletcher’s Corny Dogs










This particular recipe link was sent to us from Connie, who just so happens to know that I love corn-dogs.  It came from The Recipe Book on Blogspot and it’s a copy-cat recipe of the famous Fletcher’s Corny Dogs.  Robyn begged me to do this one on my own because she didn’t want to deal with the deep-frying.  I don’t blame her because deep-frying is a huge stink-fest that is sometimes filled with skin burns and flames.  


Obviously I had high hopes for this corn-dog recipe, but I have no idea what possessed me to have four motherfucking packages of hot-dogs ready. My other son and his fiance were over so that made six of us. You can go ahead and do the math if you want, but I’ll just tell you that it was too many damn hot-dogs.


I forgot that I bought some bamboo skewers a while back and bought another package (they’re like $2 at Target). Do you even care? Way to be one of those food-bloggers, Nance. Let me tell you the cute story about how I accidently bought too many skewers. And then I’ll tell you how you can use the extras for kebabs (of which we never eat). Or how you could use them to hold up twee signs on cupcakes.  KILL ME.

I’m going to give you the quick and dirty run-down on these corn-dogs because I’m boring myself. Just know that we followed the directions.


We rolled the hot-dogs in flour because it is supposed to make the batter adhere to the hot-dogs better. We also started out using a cast iron skillet like the recipe said we could (foreshadowing). I used a tall glass to dip the hot-dog in the batter. I did everything they say you should do, dammit.


I even used a thermometer to make sure the temperature of the oil was right. I was on the ball, baby.  This part pissed me off the most because Rick broke my thermometer that night.  I blame the fact that he’s left-handed.  Ahem.


You just don’t know the anticipation that was going on in our kitchen. For the record, three of the people in the house left to go to the store and the three that stayed were the most interested in the corn-dogs. Alex, because he also loves corn-dogs. Me, OBVIOUSLY. And Rick, because he kinda looks at this shit like science so it’s fascinating to him (nerd).




Let me try another one and I’ll swirl it this time to try and keep the batter on.


Eventually we decided to ditch the damn cast iron skillet.


We’re bringing out the big guns. This is one of the inserts for a commercial food warmer. It is NOT made for deep-frying.


I loved watching Alex’s face when this thing started rocking back and forth because the oil was getting hot. Shit was totally unstable and we had no business using it for deep-frying, but whatever, DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME. Alex was raised in the same house as my mother and that woman lived to make us nervous about anything she could. Her particular favorites being that the furnace would blow up if I left the boys home alone (teenagers, mind you) and that the house is going to fall over the hill one of these days. Please understand now why I am insane.

Rick, who had not spent impressionable years around Crazy Shirley, handled the deep-frying while Alex and I stayed as far away from that hot lava disaster-waitin-to-happen as we could. In some parts of the country we would be called by our native name…chickenshits.


This is as good as it got.


Don’t even say it. Don’t even THINK IT.

Corn Dogs

It ended up being a huge pile of despair.

I don’t think you can ever make corn-dogs at home that are as good as they make at amusement parks and fairs.  So it looks like I’ll be staying in Connie’s guest bedroom next year when the Texas State Fair opens!

Almost Fletcher's Corny Dogs
Prep time
Cook time
Total time
Fletcher's Corny Dogs are the quintessential Texas State Fair delight. No trip to the fair is complete without a stop (or two, or three) to the Fletcher's stand located by the boots of Big Tex. The recipe is a closely-guarded secret, but this recipe is awfully good and will suffice for the 49 weeks of a year that you cannot get a Fletcher's.
Original Source/Author:
: Deep Fried and Full of Fat
Cuisine: All American !
Serves: 8
  • 1 cup yellow cornmeal (not stone-ground)
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • 4 tsp baking powder
  • ¾ tsp salt
  • pinch cayenne pepper
  • 2 eggs, lightly beaten
  • ½ - 1 cup milk
  • 8 hot dogs (1 lb package) (kosher beef, or your favorite beef/pork combo)
  • 8 Popsicle sticks or ¼" thick wooden skewers
  • peanut oil for frying
  1. A deep fat fryer is best for cooking corny dogs, but a good cast iron dutch oven or deep cast iron skillet will work just fine.
  2. Fill fryer to the manufacturer's max fill line with peanut oil, or pour 3" of oil in a cast iron dutch oven or skillet. Insert a reliable deep frying thermometer and slowly bring the oil to a temperature of 365°F.
  3. While oil is heating, skewer hot dogs with the Popsicle sticks or skewers, leaving 3 finger's length exposed for a good grip. Set aside.
  4. Combine all dry ingredients in a small bowl deep enough to fit the skewered hot dogs. Add beaten eggs and mix well. Add ½ cup of milk, then add more as necessary (up to 1 cup) to make a batter that is slightly thicker than pancake batter. Mix with a whisk until just combined, but do not over beat or your corny dog will be chewy and gummy.
  5. When peanut oil is to temperature, dredge skewered hot dogs in the batter and let the excess drip off, then gently place in the hot oil. (If using a deep fat fryer, insert the hot dog vertically and hold it a moment or two to let the batter "set" before laying it down in the fat.) Cook for 6 to 7 minutes, turning it a couple of times to cook both sides evenly. Cook until the corny dog is an even deep, golden brown color.
  6. Remove from the fat and drain on a rack over paper towels. Serve hot with yellow American mustard.


Sweet and Sour Chicken

No tandem recipe this week because I had to use up a shit-ton of ground beef that was in my fridge.  Here’s a hint…our upcoming tandem recipe does not take ground beef.  Luckily I had an entry/recipe waiting in the wings and it’s right up Robyn’s alley!

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Drain the juice from the pineapple chunks into a medium size saucepan.  Set the pineapple chunks aside (you’ll need them later).  I didn’t think to pull out the ingredients to take a picture of them like Robyn does.  That would require me to pay attention to what I’m doing and you guys already know who the flake is in this gruesome twosome.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Add the ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, cornstarch, garlic powder, mustard powder, worcestershire sauce and ginger to the pineapple juice.  I know it seems like a lot of different ingredients, but it’s all stuff you probably already have in your cupboard so I don’t want to hear it, Shirley.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Whisk it and forget about it until after you fry the chicken.  Start heating up your Peanut Oil in another pan or deep fryer.  Make sure you use Peanut oil for this part.  Vegetable oil is just a headache waiting to happen.  And for chrissakes, be careful! Hot oil is HOT.  

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Take your pieces of chicken and dredge them in cornstarch.  Don’t even think about using flour.  It’s cornstarch and cornstarch only here.

In case you didn’t notice – the two most IMPORTANT parts of this recipe are PEANUT OIL and CORNSTARCH.  I need shit spelled out for me sometimes so I figured you might appreciate it too.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

After the cornstarch the chicken gets dunked into the beaten egg.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

I have no idea what temperature my peanut oil was.  I always wing it on the first piece (it’s kind of like that first pancake you make) and adjust it from there.  It doesn’t take long for the coating to get golden brown and I don’t worry about cooking the chicken the whole way through because I’ll be baking it.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Rick managed to snap a picture when I was first starting out.  You can see the plate of cut-up chicken and the bowls of cornstarch and egg.  You can also see where I dunked the hell out of that chicken in the eggs and made a mess when I dropped it in the oil.  Give the egg a second to drip back into the bowl before you go flinging it into the hot oil.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

It doesn’t take long to fill a casserole dish up if you keep at it.  This is usually when I throw an iPod in so I can focus on doing it without a million distractions.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Put the drained pineapple and pepper slices all over the top.  Cook your sauce over medium-high heat until it thickens.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Pour the sauce over everything and bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.  Serve over rice.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

Edited for clarity:  We love this dish and it’s been in our family meal rotation for a while now.


Sweet and Sour Chicken
This is how I make sweet & sour chicken at home. The recipe is basically for the sauce that I use...the directions for the rest of it are half-assed because I'm not a technical writer. I just cook. Follow along with the pictures and you should be fine.
Original Source/Author:
: Dinner
Cuisine: Early American Robyn
  • For Sauce:
  • 20.5 ounce can Pineapple Chunks (drained, reserve juice)
  • ¾ cup Ketchup
  • ¾ cup Brown Sugar
  • ½ cup White Vinegar
  • 4-1/2 tablespoons Cornstarch
  • 1-1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
  • ½ teaspoon Mustard Powder
  • 3 Tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce
  • 1 teaspoon Ground Ginger
  • For Coating:
  • 2 eggs, beaten
  • 1 cup cornstarch
  • 4 Boneless/Skinless Chicken Breasts, cut into 1" chunks
  • 1-2 Green Peppers, sliced into strips
  • Drained pineapple chunks (see above)
  1. Combine pineapple juice (save chunks for later), ketchup, brown sugar, vinegar, cornstarch, garlic powder, mustard powder, worcestershire sauce and ginger in a saucepan. Set aside.
  2. Coat chicken breast pieces with cornstarch, then dip them in the beaten egg. Place carefully in hot peanut oil. Turn over as needed. Remove from oil and layer in 9 x 13 casserole dish. Top with pineapple chunks and pepper strips.
  3. Heat sauce over medium-high heat, stirring frequently, until thickens. Pour over chicken. Bake at 350 degrees, uncovered for 25 minutes.
  4. Serve over rice.

Oven Baked Hot Dogs

The recipe that Robyn and I both made will be posted later this week. The following entry is one that I made specifically for when our tandem post wouldn’t be uploaded on time.  And yes, it’s all my fault, as usual. Shirley’s having some out-patient procedures done today and I forgot that she wouldn’t be able to eat anything on Sunday. So I’m waiting to make our recipe later in the week when she’s able to taste-test for me. Rick’s going out of town, too. Should I be nervous that all of the people that I force to eat this stuff are suddenly bailing? – nance

Baked Chili Hotdogs

This particular recipe kept showing up on my mother’s Facebook feed and I finally decided to try it just to shut her up about it. Hot dogs, placed inside their buns, and baked in a casserole dish with a bunch of shit on them. Oookay. The recipe is from a facebook page called Food And Everything Else.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

You start out by taking a hot dog bun and putting mayonnaise on it. Some people have a preference when it comes to their mayo. As you can see, I stand by Hellmann’s.  Y’all can use what you like, I’m not going to judge.  I just like how it makes my egg salad turn out.  Not that I make a lot of egg salad, but when I do make it I like it with Hellmann’s.  Isn’t this a good thing to know? How Nance likes to make her egg salad when she decides to make it every 8 months?  I know, right?  IMPORTANT information right there.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

I decided that I was going to do it exactly like the recipe says so I proceeded to put everything on that damn hot dog bun even if it was something that I felt didn’t belong there (mayonnaise, I’m looking at you).

Baked Chili Hotdogs

Please note that I couldn’t even make one of these without making a mess. Something died inside of me when I saw that glob on my casserole dish.  I used bun-size hot dogs because I quit buying those short ones that were 10 to a pack when I could only find 8-pack hot dog buns.  8 hot dogs, 8 hot dog buns.  It’s the right thing to do.  Spell check is insisting that the word is not hotdogs.  This is making me very nervous.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

With all the condiments all over the buns I had hot dogs flying up out of there when I tried to squeeze them all in the casserole dish. I used the backside of a spoon to push the hot dogs back down into the buns.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

We had been in Ohio and since we knew we were going to be making these over the weekend we just got our chili from the Hotdog Shoppe.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

It’s right about at this point when I started to realize that I was wasting a whole lot of time making motherfucking chili hot dogs in a casserole dish.Baked Chili Hotdogs

I’m so over it.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

As much as I like sharp cheddar cheese, I needed to slip some good ol’ American cheese pieces in there for creaminess.  I have no idea why.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

This is what it looked like when it came out of the oven.  Eh.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

The best photo I could get of the whole damn thing after it was plated.  I just love being a pretentious asshole that uses the word “plated” in a blog.

Baked Chili Hotdogs

The truth.

I’m noticing more and more that people are passing around the most ridiculous recipes on Facebook and it seems like for every 5 recipes “shared” only 1 of them will turn out like expected.   You know what I did up there?  I wasted a LOT of time to make a chili hot dog with cheese.  Just the construction of the damn casserole was a time-suck.  And for what?  To eat your damn hot dog with a fork!

I’ll pass.  And you probably should, too.

Oven Baked Hot Dogs
Original Source/Author:
: Lunch/Dinner
Cuisine: It's hot dogs, for chrissakes!
Serves: 8, I suppose
  • 8 hot dogs
  • 8 hot dog buns
  • 1 can of chili
  • ½ an onion, diced
  • cheddar cheese
  • mayonnaise
  • mustard
  • sweet relish
  1. Line inside of hot dog buns with mayonnaise and sweet relish. (I know this sounds crazy, but the mayo did something magical to the bread! It stayed super soft and yummy!)
  2. Evenly add mustard (I added ketchup too). Fill with hot dogs and squish into a 13×9″ baking pan.
  3. Top hot dogs with chili, cheese, and diced onion. Cover with aluminum foil and bake at 350F for 45 minutes.
  4. Carefully remove from the pan with a spatula. —


Bennigan’s Hot Bacon Dressing (Copy-cat Recipe)

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

I decided to try out a recipe I found when we made the Bennigan’s Broccoli Bites a few weeks ago. Especially when I saw that I had a skillet full of bacon grease from making BLT sandwiches. The idea of a hot bacon dressing intrigued me because I am getting bored with my usual salad dressings. Obviously I chose to ignore the fat content. Let’s not talk about that, okay?

The original recipe was found at Recipesource.com.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

The recipe is pretty simple. Put your chopped onions in the bacon grease and let them caramelize.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

Mix the water, honey and red wine vinegar.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

Add your cornstarch and whisk it until it gets smooth.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

The recipe mentioned something about the onions being black! I swear! It’s not like I wasn’t paying attention (as if).  This is when you add the Dijon mustard, by the way. Just letting you know. See how simple?

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

Pour the mixture into the skillet. Continue stirring until it starts to boil.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

I just stored mine in a canning jar because it’s handy, not because you have to can/process this.

Hot Bacon Salad Dressing - Bennigans Copycat Recipe

I omitted the Tabasco sauce because a) the recipe said in some parts of the country they omit it and b) I didn’t have any in the house. All I know is that this made for a very good salad dressing. It’s obviously not something that should be eaten every day, but the taste was fabulous. But then again, bacon grease…how could it not be good?

Bennigan's Hot Bacon Dressing (copycat)
Original Source/Author:
: Dressing. Not to be confused with Stuffing. This is the stuff you pour on your salad.
Cuisine: Pig.
  • 2 ounces Bacon grease
  • ¼ pound Red onion -- dice fine
  • 2 cups Water
  • ½ cup Honey
  • ½ cup Red wine vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
  • 1½ tablespoons Cornstarch
  • 1 tablespoon Tabasco
  1. Place the bacon grease in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the
  2. onions and saute until the onions start to blacken. While the onions
  3. are caramelizing, in a mixing bowl place the water, honey and red wine
  4. vinegar. Using a wire whisk, mix the ingredients well.
  5. Add the cornstarch and whisk well.
  6. After the onions have caramelized, add the Dijon mustard to the onions and stir together with a rubber spatula.
  7. Add the water, vinegar, pepper (sic.) honey and cornstarch to the
  8. mustard and onions and mix. Continue stirring until mix thickens and
  9. comes to a boil. Remove from heat and store in refrigerator until
  10. needed.
  11. Note: To reheat use a double boiler. I put the tabasco on the
  12. ingredient list if you like it. In different parts of the country
  13. Bennigan’s omits this ingredient.

Shirley’s Pizza Sauce (canning or freezing)

I grew up on this pizza sauce and I love it more than any other I have tried.  I know it may be too late for some of you to get good, ripe tomatoes right now, but this recipe will be around if you want to try it next year.

Please note:  We’re not Italian and I may not be telling you the proper way that you feel things should be done when one is making pizza sauce (like when to add spices, which spices to use, etc.). I’m just telling you the way we make it.  And yes, that is the word margarine that you see in the ingredient list.  I actually buy it special just for this recipe.


First, you put a pot of water on the stove and wait for it to boil (yeah, that sure is fun). Normal people blanch (shout-out to my favorite slutty Golden Girl) their tomatoes by waiting for the water to boil and putting the tomatoes in the water one at a time.  I have no idea if my mother did this or not.  I was busy doing something else.  Ahem.


When the skin on the tomato starts to split you take them out of the water with a slotted spoon. Please note Shirley’s blurry slotted spoon at the top of this picture.


And then you put (omg, plunge!) them in cold water. And seriously, you can add ice to the water to make this process work better for you, but my mother has no patience. She plops them in the water and immediately starts peeling the skin off of them. While they’re still fucking hot. And then she gets bitchy and yells at me when I’m taking too long trying to get a semi-decent picture.  Which I didn’t get because she makes me nervous with the bitching.  Vicious cycle.  I am abused.  Heh.


Remove the core/stem/whatever you want to call it part of the tomato and peel off the skin. My mom tosses them in a colander as soon as she does this.

Note: If you need more serious instruction on blanching tomatoes, you might want to try this site.


Put all of the skinned tomatoes back into a large pot and let it simmer on medium heat until they cook down. You can help them along by smashing/smooshing them with a spoon.


This is what it looks like at the beginning of cooking them down.


Cauldron.  Hair of dog.  Eye of newt.  Make this shit go KaPOOT!


I start adding the ingredients/seasonings after it’s cooked down a bit. And then we let it cook a while longer until we get the sauce as thick as we like it. Your kitchen will smell great.


We do half-pint and pint jars (we average about 10 pint jars). Or we put it in Ziploc bags and freeze it flat.

Shirley's Pizza Sauce (canning or freezing recipe)
This recipe is for pizza sauce that you can in pint size jars and let sit on your shelf - think Ragu® Pizza sauce only 150% better.
Original Source/Author:
: Pizza Sauce
  • ½ bushel tomatoes (steamed skins off/cooked open kettle until mushy)
  • Add:
  • ¼ cup vegetable oil
  • ¼ cup salt
  • ½ cup sugar
  • 1 tablespoon black pepper
  • 3 cans tomato paste (6 ounce)
  • 1 stick of margarine
  • 1 teaspoon oregano
  • 3 tablespoons minced garlic
  • 2 large (or 3 small) onions, chopped
  • ⅔ medium green peppers, chopped
  • ¼ cup chopped parsley
  • ¼ cup chopped basil leaves
  1. Steam skins off off tomatoes. Cook in open kettle until mushy.
  2. Add all other ingredients.
  3. Cook 2 hours or until sauce starts to thicken.
  4. Put into pint cars and process forty-five minutes in boiling water bath.


Red Onion Marmalade

The name fooled me for years because I just assumed it was some funky jelly and I couldn’t imagine someone putting onion anything on their toast.  And then I had it in a restaurant (it came in a chicken wrap I ordered) and I was blown away.  OMG, so freaking good!  It made such a huge difference in the flavor of my chicken wrap that I was determined to figure out how to make it.  This is when I googled the living shit out of it and spent endless hours reading about all the different ways people make it.

This is my version and we eat it on salads, in wraps and on sandwiches.  Those of you who have had it know exactly what I’m talking about.  Those of you who have never heard of it, really need to trust me on this one.  Onion marmalade, even if you are a hater of onions, can be a real game changer.


This is everything you’ll need to make it. Obviously I was trying to be like Robyn. But I don’t have her fancy hand-drawn masking tape labels, so I’ll probably not do it again. heh.


This is butter. That is melting. If you got to this part, you’re doing it right.


This is what my sliced onions look like. One of these days (very soon) we’re going to feature simple “how to do it” entries. There is a very important reason for this, but we’ll talk about it another time. Right now, I just want to get these damn onions made!


Brown sugar rocks my world, man!


Add Salt & Pepper. Did you notice that my Salt & Pepper grinders came from Aldi’s? They are HANDS DOWN the best salt & pepper grinders I have found. I have used a lot of different ones and it is amazing to me that my favorite is one of the cheapest ones out there.


When they start to look like this I add a little bit of my red wine vinegar.  This helps to deglaze the pan as the onions are cooking down.  Keep adding the red wine vinegar as needed until you use it all.


When they look like this, they’re done.




My favorite salad ever: lettuce, chicken breast, cheese, bacon, onion marmalade and barbecue sauce.


Red Onion Marmalade
Original Source/Author:
: Condiment/Relish
  • 3 medium red onions, sliced
  • ¼ cup butter
  • ½ cup brown sugar
  • ⅓ cup red wine vinegar
  • Salt & Pepper (to taste)
  1. Melt ¼ cup butter in large skillet over medium heat
  2. Add the onion slices
  3. Sprinkle the brown sugar over the onions
  4. Add Salt & Pepper (to taste)
  5. Stir occasionally. Do not turn the heat up higher. These are meant to cook slowly!
  6. Add the red wine vinegar a little bit at a time (it helps to deglaze pan)
  7. When the onions resemble a deep wine color and look like marmalade (see photo above) they're done.
  8. Can be put on just about anything - salads, sandwiches, etc. Hot or cold.


Black Bean Brownies (I shit you not)

I fell down a rabbit hole while surfing the Internet a while back and came upon a recipe for protein infused brownies.  It was interesting to me because I’m definitely not getting enough protein in my daily diet.  I have tried a multitude of protein bars and all I can say is…BARF.  I have not found a single one that I like and I’m certainly not dedicated to mixing up my own protein shakes or even buying the damn things pre-made.  I love me some brownies and I love black beans so I figured it was a win-win situation.  Plus, you only need two ingredients (and some water).  TWO!  I’m all about that because I hate pulling a bunch of stuff out of my cupboard and then putting it all away again (lazy much?).  Unfortunately, I did not bookmark the page so I can’t acknowledge it here.  I googled every which way I could and still could not find the site, but I did find a lot of people who make these brownies and damn, where was I when this was all happening?  I’m sorry to the girl who was so into beauty, make-up and living life in New York.  If you come across this page, e-mail me and I will most definitely give you proper credit!  


One package of brownie mix (any brand – I obviously used the cheap one, but that’s only because we really, really like this brand of brownie for some reason. And trust me, my fat ass has tried them ALL). One can of black beans.


Drain and rinse your black beans with water (action shot – W0oT!)

Put the beans back in the can. Then with the beans still in the can, fill it up with cold water.


Dump it all into the blender and blend the hell out of it.


It kind of reminds me of a thick milkshake.


Pour it into a bowl with the dry brownie mix (do NOT add any other ingredients – just dry brownie mix and the liquefied beans)


Mix it up really well.

Pour into an 8×8 baking dish. Bake according to the directions on the brownie mix package. You may need to bake them a little longer. Just check them to make sure they’re baked completely.

I think they’re fabulous. Trey thought they were great. Rick didn’t like them. My mom didn’t care for them. So we’re a family divided which just means more for me!